Desolation // l.p.

Chapter IX

"Sarah!"

I jump up in my bed, shocked and ripped from sleep. My eyes search frantically until they land on a silhouette in my doorway. Light from the hallway floods around the figure as I blink trying to make everything a bit clearer. My mother struggles to put her earring in as she looks at me expectantly. "Sarah." she says my name loudly again and I groan, flopping back down in my bed and pulling my covers over my head. "Sarah, I got called into work again this morning and Sam isn't here to drive you to work so I'm going to drop you off on my way." she speaks quickly and I remember her sleeping on the sofa. I didn't get to tell her I quit because she was asleep before I got home. I sit up slowly and rub eyes.

I'm scared for her reaction. What if she is angry? When my mother is angry she doesn't speak to you for at least a week, even if you do live in the same house as her. Then again, why would she be mad. She is the one who told me to reject the job in the first place if I recall. She said I am to good for the assistant's position and deserve better, so as long as me quitting was a way to get what I truly deserve then I should be good.

Deserve...

My mind wanders to what Mr. Payne said to me yesterday. "Wanting something and deserving something are two different things." His deep accent rings through my head, speaking the same sentence-no, repeating the sentence over and over. How dare he think I don't deserve a better position. I do, I've worked so damn hard over the years. I've stayed up until 2 a.m. studying and writing papers until they were perfect countless times. Running on minimal sleep and still maintaining a 4.0 GPA four six years straight. Receiving the perfect attendance award, for never ditching when all of my friends did, for not staying out late at night and drinking until I pass out to then have a blinding hangover the next morning. I ended one of the best relationships I'd ever had, because I thought my grades were slipping and he was a distraction.

"Sarah?" my mom speaks sincerely, walking towards me on the bed. "What's wrong?" she asks as she takes a seat and immediately places a comforting hand on my back. My cheeks are warm as tears stream down them, something I didn't even know was happening.

"I quit yesterday." I sob and wipe at my cheeks trying to dry them off.

"What, you quit? It was your first day." she says, her face twisting into confusion as she tries to comprehend what I'm saying. I only nod solemnly, disappointed yet still proud of the decision I made. Though something makes me feel that my mother is going to make me regret it.

"And it was awful." I say quietly, my voice trembling as I remember how rude everyone was to me. How snotty and stuck up Victoria was and how Mr. Payne took the reporter into his office for "business".

"Why?" She raises an eyebrow at me, a subtle smirk forming on her lips.

"Everyone was so rude to me and-" I stop, trying to come up with the other reason, though it seems to have slipped my mind.

"Is that it? Because they were rude to you?" She questions and my eyes focus on my hands. That can't be the only reason I had quit. Looking back now that seems so absurd. When have I ever backed down from an opportunity just because the people have been indifferent with me?

"I- I guess so..." I stutter, still trying to find another reason why. I seemed so sure yesterday that it was what I wanted to do.

"Sarah that is foolish." she snaps at me, hitting me on the shoulder.

"Mother!" I complain and rub at my shoulder. "What are you doing?" I ask confused by her outburst.

"Quitting a job with such a promising future just because some of the people are rude is stupid of you." she scolds and my eyes widen at her argument. I thought she hated that I took this job in the first place so why is she now scolding me for quitting it?

"How do you know it has a promising future?" I bite back with the knowledge that she knows little to nothing about this job, especially since she wanted me to reject the job offer initially.

"Because I know you, you wouldn't have taken the job if it didn't have a chance for advancement." She snaps at me.

"How would you know that, I didn't even know that!" I say a bit too loud. My mother sighs heavily, probably fed up with arguing with me.

"You knew, it was probably just subconsciously. I mean come on. There was obviously something that pushed you to accept the job, especially since you went against me to make this decision." She finishes with a huff and crosses her arms. I hate to admit it but I think she is right. Deep, deep, down I know that she knows me better than anyone, maybe not as well as my sister but still extremely well and the hard truth is that I wanted a job at Payne Industries more than anything. And I did what I could in order to get one, knowing that at least this way, I'm in the door for further advancement in the future.

"You're right." I say low and shamefully, knowing that quitting probably wasn't the right thing to do after all. what problems ever got solved by running away from them?

"Damn right, now you need to start acting like the strong and confident woman that I raised you to be." she says with a hint of finality, knowing she is going to get the last word. "Now, get dressed and let's go. I'm going to drop you off where you will beg, if you have to, to get that job back." she says firmly and leaves me in my room. I'm thankful that she is encouraging me so much. It shows that she really does care, even if I sometimes believe that she doesn't.

I throw my blanket off of me and stand up, and that's when it finally hits me. My head goes heavy as last night catches up to me. A massive headache hits me like a wall. Hard. I lose my balance and fall to the floor, clutching my head as it begins to pound.

"Shit." I swear and slam a fist onto the floor. I can't go to work like this.

"Sarah! Hurry up!" my mother's shout resignates through the house. I groan, knowing that I am going to have to go through with this.

I pull myself off of the floor, managing to get my head to stop spinning long enough for me to make it to my closet. I slide open the door and pull out a black skirt and a white polka-dot blouse. I struggle to get out of my pajamas, and pull the skirt up my legs, zippering it when it's around my waist. I button my blouse, tucking it into my skirt and grabbing my flats from yesterday hoping they are dry as they are the only ones that I own. I'm beginning to realize that I didn't think very thoroughly through everything when I accepted this job. I barely have any clothing nice enough to wear for it, let alone money to buy better things.

I pull my hair into as neat of a bun as I can manage and walk quickly downstairs. As if already looking nothing like those girls who work at Payne Industries yesterday wasn't enough, I'm going to have to go in today without makeup since I don't have any time to do it before I have to leave in a few minutes.

"Finally, what took you so long?" my mother huffs, raising her coffee to her lips and sipping it. I ignore her and head straight for the medicine cabinet where we keep the Advil so I can attempt to soothe my head. Getting a glass of water, I chug it down with the pain relievers, looking forward to when it will kick in and actually work. I turn towards her, deciding if I'm ready to face the day or not. "Ready?" she asks raising an eyebrow.

I nod hesitantly, still debating on whether I am making the right choice. My mother thinks I am, so must be, right? A large part of me is in doubt, screaming at me not to go back. The unsettling thing is that the other part of me, the part that believes this is the right thing, is telling me that something big is going to happen. Something that will change everything that I've ever known up until now.