Uncontrollable Feeling

Chapter 49

Kristal Anderson

I had lost my ability to speak.

All I could do was stare at him, lips parted, looking as guilty as they come. Too many thoughts in my mind, yet none of them coherent, none of them told me how to get myself out of the stupid mess I was in. I couldn't tell how long the silence had stretched for; all I knew was that it had been long enough for Aiden to speak up once more. 

"I heard his voice right before you hung up." In that exact moment, my heart shot up my throat, blocking my air flow, and for a split second, dropping dead didn't seem so bad. Anything was better than this; having to look in his eyes, knowing that I was the reason behind the hurt look in them. He knew that I was with his father, knew that I lied to him about my whereabouts and I knew that the only way out of this was with the truth. 

But how could I tell him the truth? How would I even go about telling him that his father was a psycho murderer, that he was the man responsible for the miserable life bestowed upon me? How could I explain to him that our lives were entangled long before we met, that our parents were... an item. How could I possibly shatter his world like that? I knew Aiden, he would get justice one way or another, Robert would retaliate and- No, I couldn't put him in danger. I had to deal with this myself, my way. 

"Kris, who is he?" I was too caught up in my spiral that I almost didn't catch his question.

I found myself praying to the heavens above that I somehow managed to conceal the relief that washed over me the moment I heard that question. He didn't know who I was with, all he knew was that I was with a man. . . which could arguably be worse as it now brought cheating into the equation. "I wasn't cheating on you," I blurted out, and I instantly wanted to punch myself in the face. That was possibly the dumbest thing I could say at a time like this, and if cheating wasn't on his mind before, it sure as hell was now.

"I know, Darlin" He sounded so calm, so sure of himself, so sure of us and that pained look in his eyes faltered for just a second as he gave me a reassuring look, silently telling me that that thought never even crossed his mind. I wanted to kiss him, right there and then. It was a highly inappropriate thought to have in that moment but he made it practically impossible not to by being so damn perfect. "Your therapist is a woman and when I heard that voice, I went in and asked the receptionist if you were there. She told me you didn't show up. I would never assume the worst of you, but fuck, help me out here. Why would you lie to me like that?"

"My father," I have to pause for a moment and collect my thoughts, my lies, before resuming, "I- hired a detective to help me find my father,"

My heart squeezed in my chest at the sight of his face, the way his eyes softened with a tenderness that told me that I was only making things worse, I was only hurting him more. "But why would you need to hide that from me? Kris, I would go door to door looking for him in a fucking heartbeat. If there's someone who wants to see you reunited with him, it's me," I was responsible for that look in his eyes, I was responsible for that pain in his voice.

"Baby, no," I was standing before him in a matter of seconds, my hands cupping his cheeks, "t-this has nothing to do with you, this is all on me. You have been nothing but supportive throughout all this, but I just- I wanted to do this on my own, I wanted to prove to myself that I can do something on my own,"

"I get that, but am I wrong for wanting to be there for you? Even if it's from afar,"

"I wanted to... take the first few steps on my own but I was gonna tell you, I swear I 
was. . .eventually ,"