Uncontrollable Feeling

Chapter 56

Aiden Vasilakis

I couldn't fucking sleep. Hadn't been able to for the past 48 hours.

It was beginning to take a toll on me. On my damn sanity.

Kris had already noticed. She knew that something was wrong, that something was bothering me. But I couldn't bring myself to utter the words. So I lied.

"It's just work, this new project we're working on is taking a lot out of me." The moonlight trickled in, creating a light glow around her face. She stirred awake only to find me the same way she left me when she fell asleep a few hours prior; on my back staring at the ceiling.

"Wanna talk about it? I know I'm not exactly a business expert but you know, work stress is work stress." She snuggled up closer, resting her head on my chest.

"I know, baby, but this is so insignificant I don't want you to worry about it," I said, wrapping my arm around her, pulling her in closer.

"Well, since it's making you lose sleep, I wouldn't say it's that insignificant," Her fingers traced the rose tattooed right over my heart, "You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know, Darlin. You know you're the person I trust most in this world, right?" She nodded into my chest, "I would just rather not get into it, at least not now, okay?"

She nodded again before silence fell between us. The air felt thicker and I could tell that she wanted to push for more answers, and I could tell that I would crumble before her if she pushed hard enough.

"Well then, should I tell you a bedtime story?" She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It worked because I found myself letting out a short chuckle, "You know what? That's so crazy it might just work." I just wanted to hear her talk. Her voice always brought me peace.

"Alright, buckle up, it's gonna be a crazy one." I could practically hear the smile in her words. "Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a princess. . ."

The bedtime story worked like a charm. . . just not in the way we had hoped. Instead of me falling asleep, it was she who began stumbling over her words before completely passing out. The worst part was that the story was just getting good.

But it helped me forget, for just a little while; her voice was all I could focus on. All dark thoughts faded into oblivion.

I lifted my head off my pillow and leaned in to place a kiss on top of her head, "I love you so much," I whispered into the midnight silence.

I love her so much that I knew what had to be done. 

I had to let her go.

Having her in my life was only putting her on their radar, putting her in danger. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen because of me, my father, my family. She had been through so much, too much, and my presence would bring nothing but misery into her life.

I had to let her go to keep her safe.

Yesterday, Robert reassured me that he had no idea when my initiation would be but I trusted nothing that came out of his mouth. I knew it was selfish and inconsequential of me but, I wanted to wait until after the holidays before I broke the news to her. Before I let her go.