Uncontrollable Feeling

Chapter 59

Highly recommend listening to the song above for the best possible experience ;)

Kristal Anderson

Death followed me.

Plagued my very existence. Haunted my soul.

I was a cursed soul destined to live in pain. My time with Aiden was a fantasy, a sick dream that lasted long enough to make me forget about the pain. But now, reality had kicked in. A cold bucket of water was poured on me, and I was wide awake. 

The pain I felt ran so deep that it hurt to breathe. How does one survive this kind of pain? How does one keep living with a large gaping hole in their chest? How do I keep going without him?

He was supposed to be my forever. I was supposed to be his. We were supposed to have our happily ever after. 

How could the universe be so cruel? How could it take that from me? From us?

You know it was your fault, right?

That voice. That nagging voice that I was so desperately trying to silence. It was only getting louder by the second.

Nothing would have happened if you had told him the truth in the first place. 

No.

It's true and you know it. He would still be here if it weren't for you.

No. Stop.

You killed him. This is all your fault. He should be here but you ruined everythi-

"Kris?" I snapped out of it. I didn't realise that I was hyperventilating until I felt Thea's touch on my heaving shoulders. I moved my gaze up slowly to look at her, but her eyes were down on my hand, softening when she realised what I was holding. "I-. . . I helped him pick it out."

I'd been sitting in this very spot for what felt like hours; on our bed, his side of the bed. The tears had stopped coming, and all I felt was numbness, emptiness. My hands had traced his pillow, his side of the comforter and I could have sworn I still felt the heat of his body on it. My hands eventually moved to his nightstand, tracing the items he touched, needing to feel connected to him somehow. I stumbled upon a red velvet box, tucked away in his drawer.

I felt my heart stop when I opened it to find the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. A lump grew in my throat, but still, no tears came. All I could do was stare. I was numb, my brain was blocking out any other emotion that tried to consume me. Shielding me from the inevitable. Crying made things far too real and part of me still refused to accept it. 

He couldn't be gone. He was just here with me in this very bed, waking me up with kisses less than 48 hours ago. He couldn't be gone.

I felt the bed dip as Thea took a seat beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. I leaned into her, resting my head on her shoulder as I stared down at the ring in my palm.

He was going to propose to me. He wanted to make me his wife. 

We were so close. . . so close to getting our happy ending. How could the universe be so cruel? Why did it have to come to this?

"We um. . ." Her voice was hoarse and thick. She was holding back tears and trying to be strong for me. "We're all ready to go." She said changing the subject when her comment about the ring was met with silence. What could I possibly say about it? How could I possibly come to terms with the fact that I had lost the perfect man?