His Paws On My Palms [DoShin]

CHAPTER 25: UNSPOKEN WORDS

It is always difficult to journey alone, no matter how exciting the adventure. Jihoon taught me the value of companionship and how it turns challenges into fun and memorable experiences.

Now, I am setting out on a venture with no one beside me. I helped myself build the courage I needed to face the struggles I expected to come. My parents told me about being responsible for my decisions, and I think I never really considered whether I could do it or not.

In high school, my life was truly a mess. It was hard searching for friends—real friends. I always had a hard time with bullies, but at the end of the day, no words came out of my mouth because I was so tired. I was already exhausted by the thought of Jihoon's missing existence. I didn't feel anything aside from that.

I was like an animal migrating each season in order to survive. I took it literally, that's why I attended so many schools because staying meant dying. Every year, after moving up, principals had to call my parents because of it. I know it's my fault for not being brave, for not standing up for myself, and for not fighting for what's right.

Well, I thought of it a lot of times, but bullies are bullies. They won't stop until you give up to them, or worse, they might hurt you or anyone else who stands up for you. Perhaps, I have always been protected by Jihoon. There was no exception for him when it came to bullies; whoever hurt me, he surely would not think twice, he'd throw a punch immediately without minding the consequences of his actions.

I asked him why, and he would only say that it's okay if they hurt him, but when it comes to me, no one is allowed. That's why, when he was being disciplined by his parents through punishment, I always shared it with him to pay back his deeds to me. There was a time when he wasn't allowed to eat unless he apologized to them, but knowing Jihoon, he always stood by his so-called 'fair favor' and ideology about returning pain in the same but punishable way.

So, after I learned about this, I would sneak from my parents' watch and go straight to Jihoon's house. Then, using the tunnel we both made, I would crawl there until I reached his room inside. The tunnel was connected to their basement. The basement was always his safe place every time he was punished. Jihoon would watch the analog clock, and when it reached the specified time, he would immediately smile and turn around to the opening just to see me smiling at him with the stuff I brought for him. We would enjoy our secret time, and his parents would come to us and talk to my parents, asking for advice if what they did to him was either unjust or fair because Jihoon wouldn't eat anything after lifting the ban...

Unfortunately, they had no idea that we were always full. Jihoon and I would just laugh it away and call it a day.

Looking back to what happened yesterday, I do feel horrible seeing Shinyu's reaction. The revelation was too harsh. I know I hated that guy at first, but hearing what he said in the restaurant, something feels lighter, as if I was finally able to understand where he's coming from.

I thought being popular would make someone the happiest, but in his case, I find it surprising when he blamed his popularity for my treatment towards him.

"You seemed drowned in thoughts," suddenly, I heard a voice of an angel. It was Youngjae as he walked near to me.

"It's nothing," I retorted, followed by a sigh.

"Is it about the problem at home?" he began asking. I gave him a glance and smiled a bit.

"You see, I'm not trying to ask a lot, but I've been looking at you for minutes, and I know you're worried about something," he explained, as I looked at him, his gaze was on the sceneries outside. As the wind blew through my face, it felt like it washed away some of my worries as I closed my eyes, feeling its sensation.

"My parents are good. Besides, I found a part-time job, and I'll start working there this weekend," I answered. Thinking about my job, I kinda feel excited about it, but feeling it right now doesn't feel right.

"I'm glad to hear that. I actually found one for you too, but it's okay. I think it would be best if you work on a job you personally choose," Youngjae stated while looking at me from time to time.

"Youngjae, can I ask you something?" I was actually hesitating whether to ask him his opinion or not.

"You don't even have to ask permission, go ahead."

I smiled after he said it. Youngjae is just a kind-hearted guy; he always makes me feel like I'm not alone or that I'm not invisible. I blew my bangs up as soon as I got myself ready for the question.

"Well, a friend of mine asked me this," I began, but then suddenly, I saw Youngjae's lip forming a smirk, which I had no idea why.

"He unintentionally said something hurtful to someone who only wants to be friends with him, and now my friend is worried about it," I explained the story shortly. It wasn't really smooth, but I hope he wouldn't think I'm making it like it was really my friend when it's actually about me and...Shinyu.

"I'm kinda surprised about that, but may I know why your friend said it to him?"

"Well, it's because... something happened and...I got annoyed—"

"You were annoyed?" He suddenly asked, which almost caught me off guard.

"I meant, my friend...he was annoyed because there were people who were trying to make up stories just to annoy him. So, in defense, he said it just to shut them up."

"I see," Youngjae nodded as soon as he heard my explanation.
"I don't blame your friend for saying it, but of course, if that person didn't know that he said it, then I think it would be fine."

"That's the problem, that person actually heard it and even asked my friend if it was true."

"Now, that's even more difficult."

"Is there anything I can do to make amends?"

"Why is it you?"

I froze the moment he asked me for my carelessness.

"I mean, my friend," I smiled uneasily, trying to convince him.

Youngjae sighed deeply and looked around.

"Dohoon, sometimes there are always words that are left unsaid, and it takes time to say it to that person. But, when your friend is ready, maybe you can advise your friend to just explain about it."

I don't get it. I feel like Youngjae's words are deeper than what my problem is. Now, I suddenly remembered the day he and Shinyu interacted with each other as if there's something that's bothering them both.

"Dohoon?" I went back to my senses when Youngjae waved his hand in my face. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah! I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, just tell your friend to make up for it. I'm sure the person he has to talk with will surely understand."

Youngjae gave me his angelic smile again, his eyes almost vanishing. He tapped my head again, and I have no idea why I didn't even flinch.

"Thanks, Youngjae."

"For you, I'm always here," he suddenly said. I looked at him and stared directly at him. His smile faded, and he quickly removed his hand and cleared his throat.

"The weather is really beautiful today."

"Yeah."

"Just like you."

"Huh? Did you say something?" I asked when I wasn't able to catch what he said.

"Nothing."