"So.. What brings you to London? I mean, you're obviously new and your accent is pretty cool."
Phil shrugged. "My parents."
Phil didn't know what to do or say; he felt uncomfortable, insecure and lost. So lost. He wasn't one to talk to people and this was so wrong and odd. But a the same time, Phil was grateful Dan was talking to him because what else would he be doing if he wasn't walking with Dan?
"Do you miss where you came from? You look upset. Are you okay?" Dan asked and Phil couldn't help but snort at the questions.
Of course he wasn't okay. There was no reason to be okay anymore.
"Anywhere with my parents is awful." Phil muttered, ignoring the last question.
Dan stopped walking and Phil felt a hand touch his shoulder.
He looked up and saw Dan was watching Phil with eyes full of concern.
"Really, are you okay?" Dan asked again in a more soft tone.
Phil nodded and pushed Dan's hand away. "I'm fine, just tired."
Phil knew Dan could see the lie but Phil refused to admit he wasn't okay. He would never admit to not being okay. He knew no one cared and he would keep it to himself. Not even to Skye, his best friend.
"Hey, it's okay to be honest." Dan gave Phil a sympathetic smile.
Phil didn't understand why Dan even cared but he nodded and dug his hands deep into his pockets.
"Well, I'm fine, really. I'm going home. Thanks. Erm, bye." Phil waved and turned to walk towards the school, leaving Dan alone.
It wasn't that he didn't like Dan or his company despite the fact that the time they spent together was very awkward, Phil just wanted to be alone before he had to go home and face his parents again.
He searched for a coffee shop near by and bought himself a small cup before walking back and looking for his way home, earphones in his ears and music playing loudly as he tried to block out the world.
When he got home, he sat on the floor of his room and finished his coffee, his music still playing.
Phil grabbed the letter from Skye from his pocket and stared at it, feeling hallow and hurt. He didn't know what to do anymore but cry, cut, and cry some more. Things has always seemed a little better with his best friend around but now that she was gone, he was back to feeling dull and not caring about anything.
And like always, he would pull out his blades and cut, cut and cut until all he could feel was the stinging in his thighs and see the blood dripping.
***
The day dragged on slowly, class by class then the break and to the next classes Phil didn't go to the day before.
Gym class. His least favorite class, another hell. He wasn't exactly in shape nor did he care about being in shape. Exercise was something he despised but his least favorite part about it was the changing. He had been told to bring a pair of shorts and a shirt to change into for class but he had to wait for everyone to leave the change room before he could. That's where the trouble came.
Phil had hoped the gym teacher would be a little patient but when the door of the change room opened and Phil turned around to see the gym teacher, he knew he was fucked.
Standing completely still and without jeans on, Phil felt his world crash even more as the teacher's eyes landed on his thighs.
"Philip Lester, right?"
Phil felt his face grow hot and he became insecure like always. "It's just Phil."
"Right. Oh god, son, are you okay?" The teacher asked and as much a Phil wanted to cry and say No, he nodded and kept him lips sealed.
"You certainly don't look okay to me. Do your parents know? Does anyone know?"
Phil let out a sigh and shook his head. Of course nobody knew. He had no one to tell and he had always avoided changing for gym class. Only one person knew but that person was no longer with Phil.
"Put your clothes back on and meet me outside." The gym teacher ordered and Phil did as told.
As soon as he started to process all of what was happening, Phil began to panic. What was the teacher going to do? What was going to happen? Were they going to tell- no.
Were they going to tell Amanda and Matt?
No. No, no, no. Phil wanted to runaway and never come back, but he knew that wasn't a good idea at the moment.
With shaky hands that he couldn't control, he grabbed his bag and walked outside of the change room.
"Go to the office, I called to let them know you were going."
Phil nodded and turned to walk away when the teacher put a hand on his shoulder.
"It gets better, son. Don't worry. You'll be fine." The teacher told Phil in a sad and sympathetic tone that somewhat calmed Phil down a little. But not enough for what was coming.
Phil made his way to the office and let out a shaky breath as the secretary looked up from her papers.
"Your gym sent you here, is that correct?" She asked and Phil nodded. "Oh, honey are you okay? Do you want to talk about it? I've already called your parents and they're on their way if that makes you feel any better."
Better? Better? It made him feel worse! But he quietly said "I'm okay." and turned to go take a seat.
He could hear his heart beating rapidly, his hands were extremely hot and sweat and he felt sick. Not the sick where you wanted to throw up everywhere, he felt sick and wanted to die.
He barely made it to a seat when he became unconscious and all he saw was black.
***
"He's waking up."
Phil was confused as to what was happening but he didn't open his eyes because he was afraid to see.
His body hurt and a lot, he felt weak and pathetic for everything that was happening.
Curiosity got to him and he blinked a few times and looked around and saw that he was in a hospital room, lying on a bed.
"He's awake. Philip, you're in the hospital. We explained a little bit of your problems to your parents but you can explain the rest..."
That was all Phil heard. His parents were standing beside the bed he was lying on and when he looked at them he knew they were furious despite the sweet smiles they gave him.
He didn't want to know what was going to happen next.
*****
This took a while oh my god sorry guys! This probably sucked sorryyyyy
But here it is yay wow schools almost here I'm gonna go cry now omg no okay I'm don't ranting I NEED TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN IM SORRY THIS IS TAKING FOREVER ok ily allllllll annnddddddd
byyeeee cx
