Phil felt Dan's warm body still cuddled up with his when he woke. There was no better thing to wake up to then Dan sound asleep, curls visible, his face emotionless and peaceful. He looked so perfect asleep, he looked so calm and cute.
Phil knew it must have been a little too early but after a month of knowing Dan Howell, he knew he had some sort of feeling for Dan.
Dan made Phil smile, laugh, he made Phil happy. Every time Phil thought of Dan and his voice, the bubbly butterflies would reappear and Phil would find himself smiling. With or without Dan beside him, Phil was able to smile because of him and even texting Dan made Phil smile uncontrollably.
But then he would think... because although he felt this way, Dan might not. Sure, they've hugged and cuddled but friends do that, right?
But what if Dan felt the same way? What if? Phil would never know until something happened. He knew he wasn't confident enough to make the first move and Dan might not be either.
Just as Phil started to think about all this again, Dan stirred and blinked a few times and the first thing he looked at was Phil.
"Good morning." Phil whispered and Dan grinned.
"Good morning."
His morning voice made Phil's stomach flip. Dan Howell's morning voice was something Phil loved as well. He wouldn't mind waking up to that every morning.
They lie in bed and talked for a few minutes before trying to get out of bed.
Phil went into the washroom after Dan, brushed his teeth and took a quick shower.
The cuts on his thighs were healing slightly now; it's been exactly a week since he last hurt himself and he had never been prouder. It felt like eternity but it was the longest he's lasted without cutting and he was happy about it.
After changing, he walked downstairs and saw Dan sitting in the living room, on the floor with a bowl of cereal.
"Hobbit hair?" Phil said, sitting beside him and running his fingers through Dan's hair.
"I'm too lazy to straighten it. Surprise, I have natural curls," Dan chuckled and held out the bowl of cereal to Phil.
"You usually get this cereal when you stay so I decided to pour some for you." Dan said shyly.
Phil grinned and took the bowl with the spoon. "Thanks."
The fact that Dan noticed which cereal Phil would get was adorable and made Phil's feelings for Dan Howell grow stronger.
Again, they made small talk as Phil finished his cereal and Dan his, they turned the TV on and continued talking. They did that a lot and even though some people could get bored of just talking, Phil enjoyed it. He got to talk to Dan, listen to his voice and discuss things he couldn't really talk to anyone else.
Their conversations were always all over the place but Phil liked when they would get more meaningful. Talking to Dan about deep things was always great because Dan agreed on many things, they would share their opinions, get emotional together and they understood each other. Phil loved it.
"PJ wanted to know if we wanted to hang out." Dan said, reading the text he had just received on his phone.
Group therapy had been boring and uncomfortable but Phil had run into PJ and started a conversation with Dan and Chris tagging along. They all got on well and as the weeks had passed, they had spent a lot of time together and were now also friends with Chris and PJ, both interesting and brilliant people.
Phil had said yes to hanging out and soon, the four boys were in the small coffee shop Phil had come to to meet up with Dan the first time.
"I was asleep and this fucker decided to sneak and eat some of my candy from when we went trick-or-treating and what do I wake up to? Candy wrappers and an empty bag!" PJ was complaining about Chris all his candy when Chris giggled and kissed PJ on the cheek.
PJ was openly gay and Chris was openly bisexual and they had been dating for nearly a year. Phil was happy for them and loved seeing them together and Dan liked to tease them about it. Also, Halloween passed and they all went out together, it was amazing.
"That's not gonna make up for eating all my candy." PJ pouted, only to make Chris hug him and squeal. Literally.
"You're so cute, fuck you." Chris whined and Phil laughed.
"You two are so perfect for each other, fuck both of you." Dan teased and they all laughed together.
"I honestly thought Chris was a massive pain in the arse when we first met." PJ admitted and Chris gasped dramatically.
"That's mean!"
"Imagine having Chris poke you every five seconds whilst repeating your name and getting you in trouble." PJ rolled his eyes.
"Who knew two years later you'd be a happy couple." Phil added.
The way the couple looked at each other made Phil grin. You could see the love they had each other in their eyes and the way their hands intertwined as they smiled at each other showed so much.
Phil looked down at his hands before glancing at Dan beside him, only to see that Dan was also looking at him.
Phil looked back at Chris and PJ. His feelings were getting stronger for Dan and Phil never knew how overwhelming feelings like this could be.
***
"And that's how I got fired!"
"You sound so happy." Phil snorted.
"I am! It wasn't a bad job but jobs are boring!" Dan retorted and Phil chuckled.
It was one in the morning and instead of doing something productive or important like homework, they were lying on Dan's bed and telling each other stories, laughing uncontrollably about the stupidest things that made no sense. But they were weird like that.
"How are you?" Dan asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I'm surprisingly okay. You?" Phil said and turned his head to look at Dan.
"I'm happy." Dan grinned, staring at the ceiling. "I'm actually happy."
Phil smiled and poked Dan's cheek, causing him to chuckle.
"You're so weird."
Phil giggled and turned his body so he was facing Dan.
"Wanna know something?" Phil said quietly, not knowing why he wanted to tell him again but feeling the need to tell Dan.
"Sure."
"When I'm with you, I'm happy. You make me feel okay." Phil whispered, glancing at Dan.
"You make me feel okay too." Dan told Phil who felt a wave of relief.
He felt Dan's hand touch his and their fingers intertwined. Dan's hands were soft and warm, comforting Phil.
It was just a small action but Phil could feel the butterflies in his stomach as Dan tightened his grip on Phil's hand. He had never felt this way before, he never knew how one person could make him feel.
He has had crushes before but this was so different from a crush, this was stronger.
Dan moved his body closer to Phil's, hands still together. Phil had an urge. An urge to show Dan how he was feeling, an urge to kiss Dan and wrap his arms around Dan's waist, an urge to brush his fingers through Dan's hair and list every little thing Dan did that he loved. It's only been a month but who knew how fast feelings could work.
Phil felt Dan place a kiss on Phil's cheek and nuzzles his face in the crook of Phil's neck.
He couldn't have been happier. He was happy like this with Dan in his one arm whilst they held hands and lay cuddled like this. Nothing mattered to Phil at the moment but Dan and he felt at peace without a care in the world as he smiled and closed his eyes.
*****
I'm listening to sad songs and whoops I'm in tears cool cool omg but yayy here's the next part!
I'm sorry if this was bad and apologies because it took so long oops.
I hope you enjoyed, stay safe and smile !
byyeeee cx
