"Pizza!" Dan yelled and ran into the living room with the pizza box in his hands.
"Dan, don't run with the pizza in your hands!"
"I will do whatever I please!"
Dan placed the pizza box in the couch then ran into the kitchen and appeared a few seconds later holding two soda cans.
In less then five minutes, they were watching American Horror Story and eating pizza, talking quietly.
Phil had an unpleasant feeling that the beginning but Dan assured him that he was fine and that he really should eat. Then something told him to listen to Dan and he picked up a slice of pizza.
He had never felt more proud of himself as he willingly reached for his second slice and bit it. He hasn't eaten food in a few days and had never eaten more than one slice of pizza but right now, he was proud and was eating on his own will.
"Hey Phil, do you have dreams? Like, goals?" Dan questioned.
"Honestly, no. You?"
"I wanna marry Evan Peters!"
Phil laughed into his drink. "Well, I wish you the best of luck with that."
"Have you ever been in love?" Dan continued to ask, always out of the blue and having to do with nothing.
"Are we playing twenty questions now?" Phil raised his eyebrows and Dan chuckled.
"No but we can if you want. Now answer my question!"
"No, I've never been in love." Phil said and took a sip of his drink before asking Dan the same question.
"I have. I was fourteen. He was a total douche bag but wow, he made me feel so many different ways." Dan sighed. "He was like a hurricane; he would suck people in just to fuck them up and I was one of those many people. Got to know him then I fell and hard. He didn't want me, he didn't care once he got bored of me but I loved him so much. I was so stupid but see, when you truly love someone, you'll want them even after they treat you like shit, humiliate you, kick you and throw you away."
Phil watched Dan as he spoke of the boy he fell in love with; he looked so sad and lost, remembering the boy that he had loved with all his heart. Wow, seeing people talk about someone they love could be so fascinating but sometimes so sad.
"Took a while but I finally stopped loving him. I have liked people after him, dated people and all but I've never loved someone like I loved him. I'm happy though. I'd rather have friends that care then a boy who never loved me or cared." Dan then turned his head and gazed at Phil with a smile.
Phil smiled back, the bubbly feeling coming back yet again.
"I'm glad we're friends." Phil admitted and Dan nodded.
"I hope we stay friends forever."
"Me too."
Evan Peters came onto the screen and Dan groaned loudly, causing Phil to burst out laughing again.
"Phil, let's get to know each other!" Dan yelled. "What's you favorite color?!"
***
"Why are we watching this?!"
"Just watch!"
"JOHN GREEN WHY?!"
Dan was screaming at the tv as The Fault in our Stars was playing and Hazel got the new that Gus was gone. His parents were gone again and Phil had decided o stay over for the weekend again.
They were both in tears but Phil was trying his best to be quiet whereas Dan was swearing loudly and complaining that it couldn't end like this.
"Why do all the hot guys die?! This isn't fair! Like Rose, move your ass so Jack could fit! Cancer, why the fuck do you exist? Scary movies, ghosts, fuck off?!" Dan shouted and groaned, rolling onto the floor.
"Oh my god Dan," Phil said and sat on the floor beside Dan. "Are we really gonna go over this again?"
Dan continued to groan and Phil lie beside him, waiting.
"Okay, I'm done crying." Dan said ten minutes later and got up to stretch.
"Finally!"
Phil followed Dan to his room and they started off by playing music and looking through their phones until Dan grabbed Phil's wrist and dragged him to his bed.
"Dan?" Phil asked and Dan pushed Phil to sit on his bed.
"Okay, we've known each other for a month now, I literally know nearly everything about you but a few things and I know it's stupid but Phil, I want to know everything about you. You're the first and only person I truly trust. Do you trust me?"
Phil nodded, still slightly confused. "Yes, Dan, I trust you. What's up?"
"If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine. Just tell me... but I wanted to know.. what's your story?" Dan said in a rushed voice.
"What do you mean?" Phil said even though he knew exactly what Dan meant.
"Your self-harm story. Would you mind sharing it?"
Phil knew it was bound to come up but he dreaded the day it would come. He wanted to tell Dan but he was afraid of what could happen even though he's told Dan the weirdest things about him.
"Um.. okay, so..." Phil scratched the back of his neck and looked at the floor.
"I was thirteen... my parents are alcoholics and drug addicts. I can find blades everywhere. I knew what self-harm was and I thought about trying it... I cleaned the blade then went for it. It was scary, the first time but like drugs, slightly addicting. Ever since then I would but I stopped doing it on my arms and started on my thighs so no one would notice. My story isn't special, it's pathetic and I'm a boy that cuts and cries himself to sleep." Phil said quietly then shrugged.
"I started two years ago. I heard people talking about it. I know I seem like I'm living the life with a big house and wealthy family but fuck, I have to be perfect. I need good grades, a good body, I need to be smart and speak poshly, I have to be the best. I hate it. I'm not perfect, I get okay grades, but I can't talk 'fancy' or have a model body, I'm not smart and I'm not like my family. I am a literal mess. So cutting was like my escape but I always get upset afterwards as I realize my scars just make my body farther from perfect. I know it's stupid to complain about but I can't help it." Dan told Phil who stayed quiet and listen to Dan's every word. He felt bad for Dan. He wished he could help but sadly he couldn't.
"I'm sorry." Phil muttered.
"I'm sorry about your parents. You deserve a good and health life." Dan mumbled.
Phil knew Dan was close to crying so without a word, he moves his body closer to Dan's and wrapped his arms around Dan and embraced him in a hug.
"I'm not alone anymore though, right? I have you?" Dan sobbed and Phil nodded.
"You have me and Dan, I promise I will not leave you without an explanation. I will always be here for you." Phil promised.
Phil pulled Dan away slightly to place a kiss on Dan's forehead.
"I know I can't save you but I'll help you get to recovery."
Dan hugged Phil tightly and they remained like that for a while, eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.
*****
hiiii woo another update oh my god I have school and its midnight here what is life
went to a book store to get tabinof but it's delayed and I just wanna sCREAM LIKE MAN I HAVE WAITED MONTHS uGH okay sorreh I needed to rant
what time is it for you guys?? I hope you've all had a good day :) I haven't but oh whale
byyeeee cx
