"Phil, you mean a lot to me."
Phil felt his heart skip a bead and he lifted his head to glance at Dan.
"You mean a lot to me, too." He told Dan.
He could see Dan's cheek turn a light red and Phil couldn't help but smile.
Dan stopped in his tracks, making Phil pause and give Dan a confused look.
Phil's smile got bigger as Dan held out his hand and Phil took it, their hands perfectly fitting into each other's.
It hasn't been that long, it's only been a little more than a month but his feelings for Dan were strong and we're getting strong. He's had crushes but none of them felt the way this felt.
***
He knew he shouldn't, he knew he would regret it, he knew his parents and Dan would be upset if he did but he knew he wanted to, he knew he wanted to feel the pain again. He needed it.
Everything was going so well for once, it was all too good to be true and Phil was so happy but too soon, he felt the hole in his heart get a little bigger every day.
He didn't want to admit it, he didn't want to even think about it but it was happening every day and he couldn't avoid it.
Joey was ruining his life, spreading rumors about Phil, getting people to beat him up and every day was worse than the last.
Phil didn't want it to happen, he wanted to keep quiet and still, didn't want to slip or show how hurt he was but after two weeks, it happened. He broke; he cried; he sobbed; he tore his room apart and threw his things everywhere.
He pulled his hair as hard as he could, dug his nails into his skin and kicked whatever he could.
Then he found them. He had tried his best to hide them, hoping he wouldn't ever need them again but he was here again and he immediately felt a wave of relief holding his blades in his hands.
Three weeks. Twenty-two days. He was going to throw twenty-two days of hard work away... but he didn't care. He couldn't care.
He pressed the cool and sharp blade over his faded scars and without thinking about it over, he pushed and slit. The pain was, like it had always been, oddly relieving and he continued until his floor was a complete mess and his hands were shaking uncontrollably.
His thighs were throbbing with pain, blood dripping down and onto the floor. His hands were full of blood and shaking, his head was spinning and he was no longer crying. He couldn't cry.
He looked down at the mess he made and stared. He felt empty again, he felt alone, he felt dead.
Phil had lied to Dan and told him that he couldn't stay at his place just to do this and now, he regret it. He regret it so much.
Never did he ask for help, Phil didn't like to ask for people's help and told himself he wouldn't ever admit he needed the help but right now, he did and he only wanted one person.
"Hello?"
"Dan..." Phil mumbled into his phone, feeling his heart pace quicken.
"Phil? What's wrong?" Dan sounded extremely worried, making Phil want to cry again but he held his tears in and whispered the words he never wanted to say.
"Dan... I need help. I need you."
Phil didn't know what to expect but he heard shuffling and then the line went silent and he noticed Dan had hung up.
Was that it? Phil had never felt so confused, broken and empty at the same time. Was Dan coming or had he completely ignored Phil?
Hoping for Dan to come, Phil got to his feet and cleaned the mess he had made, put his blade away with the others he had hidden. He felt weak, physically and mentally, he was tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and never wake up.
