In the World of Magic(Harry Potter Next Generation Fanfic)

Chapter 39 - Deep Talk

Amanda's POV

Even though the sun had finally chosen to show it's face again the temperature was low. Small clouds left my mouth when I breathed. My hands were in mittens, secured from the cold. I was sitting outside thinking. I was trying to come up with a way to fix my life. I had come up with zero solutions.

Not even four months in the future and I would be safe. I would be home and maybe I would be able to have some normalcy in my life. Even though it might mean that I wouldn't meet some fantastic people for a long while. Maybe separating from everyone would mean that I would feel better, even though I might be sad. That kind of sadness was curable though.

"Someone is all brooding and beautiful", a smooth voice was heard from behind me. I turned around to great Roxanne and saw that she was with Louis. As I laid eyes on them I could conclude that all three of us would fit in the category of brooding and beautiful.

"Life's hard", I simply stated as I made place for the two to sit. They did and Louis closed his eyes in true sadness. I felt bad for all three of us, but it felt nice to have other people to share the feeling with. Even though I had no idea what their problems were.

"True that. Sometimes I would just love to disappear into the world and start over", Roxanne spoke while looking out at the melting snow over the trees. I put my arm around her shoulders and leaned towards her. I could feel her arm move around my waist.

"Something you want to talk about?", I asked her softly. I could feel her squeeze my side a little. It made me turn my head a little to see her face. To my relief she didn't look uncomfortable or unsure whether she should tell me. She looked relieved.

"I'm just tired of everyone. No one thinks that I'm anything except a party girl and a drunk. When I complain over a grade I've gotten they all give me a look, it's as if they judge me. No one, except you two, see that I actually try and that I'm going crazy because I don't know how to reach the grades I want", Roxanne quietly uttered her thoughts. Her voice didn't sound as much sad as it sounded exhausted. It was as if she couldn't bare the thought anymore. As if she just had no idea how to deal with the problem.

"Why do we always have to care about what other people think? I mean, we do. Even though everyone tells us not to. It's impossible. Everyone cares, even when we wish we didn't", Louis spoke, and the contrast was clear between his and Roxanne's voices. In his voice the sadness was more than audible.

"Is it the modeling thing? Is it still hard with your parents?", Roxanne wondered with worried eyes. Without speaking his answer he nodded. Roxanne soon after reached into her jacket and drew a bottle. It was labeled pumpkin juice. Louis took it from her with a gloomy, but thankful smile. When I saw Louis wince a little at the taste I realized that it was not pumpkin juice in the bottle.

"Fire whiskey?", I asked and Roxanne nodded before taking the bottle from Louis. She took a sig before passing it to me. I drank without any thought. As the liquid went down my throat I felt a sort of warmth, that also brought a little comfort. Together with Roxanne and Louis' comfort I felt better than I had since James' and my date.

"I love our deep talks. It's always nice with people who doesn't question anything. People who just accepts your sadness", I voiced my thoughts. It earned me smiles from both of my friends. Roxanne took out a packet of cigaretts and a lighter. As I saw the smoke leave her lips a thought hit me.

"Could I try?", I asked her a bit unsure. She raised her eyebrows in surprise but with a smile she gave me it. I put the cigarett to my mouth and breathed in. Then I moved the cigarett away from my lips and blew away the smoke. To my utter surprise, I didn't hate it. At the same time, I didn't love it. It was just a nice warm feeling. It warmed me a little in the february cold.

I handed the cigarett back to Roxanne but before she could grab it, Louis took it from my hand. Both Roxanne and I stared at him in surprise as he too put the cigarett to his mouth.

"I can not believe this", Roxanne spoke in total awe. I just silently agreed to her words. The sight of Louis smoking, after him always voicing his dismay regarding it, made me realize how down he must have felt. I got up from my seat and stood infront of Louis. Then I engulfed him in my arms. The cigarett fell to the ground and Louis' hands came around me. I soon felt Roxanne's arms lay over both Louis and me. In that embrace we stayed for a few minutes.

"I want to do what I want. I want to be a model", Louis simply stated in a sigh as we let go of each other. I sat down on the bench next to Roxy once again before deciding on what to say next.

"I say go for it. You don't need to tell anyone. I just think that if you let other people rule your life you won't have anything happy to look back at." Louis smiled and put his hand on mine in gratefulness.

"I like that. I really do. That should be our new motto. Let no one rule your life", she spoke. I would have followed that motto if I actually had, had a choice in the matter. I did not. If I decided not to do what the messenger wanted me to do I would end up in a worse situation than I already was in.

"That does sound really good", I agreed longingly, although they did not pick up on that. My guess was that they were too invested in their own misery to be able to catch up on mine. There was a beauty to that, though. I didn't have to be so extremely careful about my words and the way I acted. I could just be sad, and not think about my behavior. I was able to be more honest because of how they did not care as much about my problems.

The little of what I had felt of the cold weather outside had vanished. With Roxy's and Louis' body heat I was feeling warm outside. It was nice how they made me feel both emotionally and physically warmer. It was nice when I got those few kicks of energy in my distressed life.

•••

Later on when I walked down the corridors I started feeling as if someone was following me. Instead of just ignoring the feeling I decided to act upon my suspicions. I knew that I couldn't be obvious, which was why I pretended as if I hadn't noticed anything. That was until I walked around a corner and stopped just a step away from the wall. With my body pressed against the wall I waited for someone to come around the corner. That was when I heard footsteps. They got closer. I took in a sharp breath, just before I heard the footsteps stopping.

I realized a few seconds to late what was going on. That was why I never got the chance to see the persons face. Instead I hurried towards the hallway I had just walked in. The only thing I could see there was the retreating back of a person, wearing a hoodie. I knew that even if I ran I wouldn't be able to catch up, they were to far away. I had gotten one clue, though. The hoodie hadn't been just a normal hoodie. On the back there had been a mark. That mark had been a snake and just above it, in silver letters, the word Slytherin had been clear.

I knew that whoever was watching James and me were from Slytherin. The realization that I had gotten just a tiny bit closer to the solution made me extremely happy, even though I had failed to see the persons face. At least I had something. The only downside was that I wouldn't be able to tell James about my discovery. I had to keep him out of everything regarding the messenger, even the things that could bring down the messenger. I could not risk the messenger finding out that I was still on their tracks. Telling James was a risk. In the game I was playing, risks were lethal.