In the World of Magic(Harry Potter Next Generation Fanfic)

Chapter 45 - Relieving

Amanda's POV

I was waiting outside the Gryffindor common room. I had been lucky as I had wandered the halls. Two girls from the house had been walking down the corridor and I had followed them until they had gotten to the portrait that had led to their common room. I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and waiting. It was late afternoon and most people my age were at their lessons. I was not. There was one simple explanation to why. The fact that my best friend in the entire world had been threatened by an evil wizard and I was to anxious to go to class and focus. Life was a little bit more important.  

"That tapping is extremely annoying", came a voice suddenly. I looked up and saw Alex and James standing a couple of meters away. I hadn't noticed the twitch in my hand, but after Alex had commented on it I immediately noticed the sound it was making. I lifted my hand from the floor and put it in my lap. 

"Sorry", I said before getting up and taking a step closer to them. I looked towards James with sad eyes and saw that he was avoiding looking at me. He was listening at least, which was all I needed him to do. 

"James, could we talk? It's incredibly important." James looked up and met my eyes. It must have been the seriousness in my eyes that made him give in to my offer. I could see how much he was trying to avoid me. Hopefully he would change his mind after I had explained my situation to him. 

"Sure, come on", he agreed and turned around. I started to follow him after giving a small bye to Alex. I quickly noticed that James was on his way to the Room of Requirement. I hurried up to keep the same pace as him. He didn't look at me once on the whole way towards the room, but that was expected. 

Once we gotten inside the room James walked to stand in front of the fireplace where there was a small fire burning. I walked closer and sat down on the armrest of the couch in the room. subconsciously I started to fiddle with my fingers in nervousness. I hadn't had time to actually figure out what to say to James. All I had been thinking about was my fright and nervousness. 

"What is it?", James wondered in a stiff tone. It was colder than how I ever had heard him speak. It hurt me to hear him speak like that, but I knew that I couldn't let myself focus on that. I needed to find out a good way to tell him why I had been acting the way I had and I needed to tell him what was going on. 

"I've been acting strange for a while. You noticed it but I couldn't tell you what was wrong. There was so much going on and I was scared, actually I was more than scared. I was worried and anxious and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It hurt me, it hurt you and there was nothing I could do." James had turned around and was watching me with a cautious look. He seemed interested to hear what I had to say, but at the same time he didn't seem that sure if he could trust me. I swallowed and blinked repeatedly to dry my eyes. 

"Yesterday things changed. Earlier there had been things at stake, but the focus had mainly been on me. I had been able to keep people safe, or at least I had thought so. When I told you that I had stopped getting messages I lied. I still got messages, but they had changed." James stepped closer to me with a frown on his face. He seemed genuinely worried. As soon as I had told him about the messages his whole demeanor seemed to change.

"They were actual letters. He told me to do things and he threatened everyone if I didn't do them. That's when things started to go wrong. I did the things too. After that everything became... hard, I guess. I couldn't tell anyone but at the same that was what I needed to do. The hardest part was when you asked me if I was okay, it was when I had to tell lies because you could have gotten hurt if I didn't", I kept on with telling him. My voice had started shaking. I could no longer hold it all in. I had no idea how to stop it. My mind was mostly blank, except for the words that kept coming out. I knew that I just needed to keep on telling James. I had already started so there was no reason to hide anything anymore. 

"And after the meeting the other day I got a new letter. He... he's gotten close with Rose and she has no idea. He doesn't even know that I know. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep her safe. What if she gets hurt? What if he thinks that I've done something that I haven't? I can't protect her, I can't do anything", I rambled as the first tears fell and then a sob escaped my mouth. I put a hand over my mouth as I felt my breathing become uneven. The tears were unstoppable. They kept coming. All the tears that I had bottled up. For the time I got the first letter. For the times I lied. For the time James and I fought. For everything. 

I felt James' arms embrace me as I kept on sobbing. He put one of his hands on my hair and stared to slowly stroke my head. I leaned into him without being able to do anything except keep on crying.

"I'm so so sorry! I'm not strong, I can't do this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm sorry", I got out between sobs. James shushed me in a comforting way as he leaned back a little. He put both of his hands on my cheeks as he dried off a couple of my tears. It didn't really matter though since more tears quickly filled the dry spots.  

"It's okay, it's okay. You only did what you thought would keep everyone safe. It's not your fault. You aren't from this world, you shouldn't have to go through all of this, okay? I understand what you did and why. I forgive you", he told me soothingly. It didn't help much though. The fright and sadness that I had felt over such a long time made it nearly impossible for me to see anything positive to pull me back from the sadness. 

James leaned closer and placed a kiss on my forehead before he went back to holding me. We stayed the same for a long while. I cried until the tears stopped coming, he held me until I felt better, even if better wasn't okay. 

"We're going to fix this. We can do it", he promised me with a whisper. We had moved on the couch. I was laying in his arms as he lay with his back resting on the armrest. I dried of the last wetness on my cheeks as I sniffled for air. 

"How? We are just sixteen and I don't know about you, but I don't really have any experience in fighting bad guys", I told him as I looked up at his face. He smiled a small smile. 

"There always has to be a first bad guy, right? Also, I have crime fighting in my blood", he told me before turning a little bit more serious. "I promise, we'll fix this. We'll get out of this mess." I put my hand on his cheek softly as I straightened a little. Then I placed a soft kiss on his lips. I leaned back and looked into his eyes. He seemed sad, happy, serious and worried at the same time. I knew that it was because of what I had told him. I also knew that it wasn't a bad thing that he was feeling those things. Those feelings were real, based on true things. They were feelings that were supposed to be there. It was better than the anger and disappointment he had felt towards me. Those feelings had been there because of lies. James wanted the truth. He wanted to know, because he was a part of it all too. We had both been in the same mess since the beginning. We both needed to end it. 

"Okay, we'll fix this", I said before once again placing my lips on his. I was still sad. I was still scared. The difference was that I was feeling comfort. The comfort of having James there, of having him caring about me, was giving me strength. Being able to share the burden made it possible for positive feelings to sneak into my heart. It was what I needed to be able to see a solution. I believed that we were going to solve the problem.