Daughter of Mayhem

Secret loves

We pulled into the club behind everyone else. I watched everyone as they laughed and hugged each other. I looked at everyone who was covered in dirt, cuts, bullet wounds, and blood but nonetheless unharmed and I knew someone had been watching out for us. The club door opened and I watched as Gemma ran across the parking lot to where Clay was and jumped into his out stretched arms. I smiled at the sight of Clay showering her with kisses. "Now that we are safe let me do this," Jax says as he grabs me into his arms. He pulls my messy hair out of my face and begins to kiss me. He deepens the kiss as his tongue swirls around in my mouth. I let out a moan as his hands found my ass and give it a squeeze. "I love you Jax," I whispered against his lips. "And I love you darling," Jax says pulling me close into his arms. I laid my head against his chest as I watched the club's parking lot hum with laughter and people talking. As Joey walked up holding Hope's hand I smiled walking over to them grabbing them both up in a hug. "Were we able to recover his body," I ask Joey. He shakes his head no and says,"His car went up in flames." I felt the tears begin to fill my eyes at the thought of Arman going that way. He had been such a sweet gentle man. In fact Arman had been one of the only people I had known  who hadn't taken a life. "I'll get the funeral arrangements made," Hope said while biting her bottom lip. "I don't know about y'all but I could definitely use a drink," I tell them before walking off into the club. I opened up the door and walked into the club crossing it to the bar. I climbed the step ladder in front of the liquor shelf and reached for a bottle of whiskey. I turned around and walked to the bar not even stopping for a glass. Tonight was a night you didn't count the glasses you drank. I knew by the end of the night the bottle would be gone anyways. "Not even going clean up or wash that blood off of yourself," Gemma ask coming forward and sitting beside me with a glass. I pour her a glass and say,"Nope." Gemma lights up a cigarette then offers me one. I take the cigarette offered and light it from the match Gemma held out. "So are you going tell me why you are drinking covered in blood rather then showering first," Gemma ask me while taking a sip from her glass. "Did you pray tonight because you needed hope or because you think that there just maybe a God," I ask her while tipping the bottle up to my mouth. "I don't know baby girl but I do know in this life we need hope," she tells me. I am silent for a second trying to recap the night and see if there was something or any explanation for what happened tonight. I take a hit from my cigarette as I say, "Do you know that tonight I had to make a jump that in the end I didn't make. I should've fallen to my death but instead some unseen force pulled me up. When I was safe I heard Zach's voice say to the moon little cub. Then when I looked over the cliff I found a necklace he was buried with. I want to think my big brother was watching over me but I half think I might be going insane." Tears fell down my eyes as I stared straight ahead at the wall in front of me. "Well baby I would say that what you prayed for tonight happened," she says putting her hand on my shoulder,"I think that your brother was sent to protect you." She stood up from the stool and said,"I would shower and change too if I was you. You don't want your kids waking up and seeing you like that." I stand up grabbing the bottle as I do and walk back towards the bedroom realizing that Gemma was right.

I climbed up to the roof with Joey behind me. He had told me he wanted to talk but I didn't know what about. As we reached the roof I turned to Joey who looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "What's up," I ask him. He looks at me a second before saying,"After the funeral our crew will probably go back to our homes." "Oh yeah does Sarah know," I ask him. He shakes his head and says,"Not yet. I wanted to talk to you before I tell you. This is the first time since I have met Sarah that I've left her behind in a situation like this. I like you don't get me wrong but we both know this is a dangerous life. I'm trusting you to keep them safe. I'm also trusting you to not let her get to deep in this life. I know you have watched as just these past few weeks has changed her. So you know just protect them." "You still love her," I state rather then ask because in that second I knew the truth I saw it in his eyes. I watched as Joey wiped at his eyes before he says,"I'll always love her Jax but you don't have to worry about me because I knew that you were the one that was made for her. I watched for years as she mourned you and was never able to move forward with me. She didn't think I realized." While I had guessed I was still stunned by the words actually coming out of his mouth. "You left her for Hope though so you most of been doing the same," I said while lighting up a smoke. He shook his head before saying,"I went back to Hope. She didn't come to find me. Hope never left me. I left Hope when I realized I had fallen in love with Sarah. Then through the years I  realized how much she really loved you still. That's when I broke it off. I wanted her to be with you. I knew eventually she would end up back here." I didn't know what to say to him because I really felt for the man. I couldn't imagine seeing Sarah with another man. "Just protect her," he tells me before he turns around to leave me on the roof to my thoughts. I had felt bad for not saying anything but I didn't have a clue what to say to that.

      As soon as I had showered and changed into one of Jax's shirts and some boy shorts I left the room to return to the bar. Something about sitting at the bar drinking seemed more appealing to me. As I walked up to the bar I expected someone to say something about my attire but no one said anything. I climbed up on the bar stool and looked from Jax to Joey who also appeared to be drowning their sorrows. "I made out with Hope before I realized y'all were together,"I say and take a shot. "What," Jax ask me obviously confused. "Shame game," Joey says,"We tend to play on nights like this." "I kept taps on Sarah the whole time she was gone," Jax says as he takes a shot. "Stalker," I say laughing. "I had your ex husband killed after I didn't have to worry about him being Serenity's father," Joey says taking a shot. "No you couldn't of they would've notified me," Sarah says looking at Joey confused. "I stole the letter they sent notifying you," Joey says taking another shot. "Good I was going have him killed," Jax says taking a shot. "I've picked up my phone several times to make the call that would put the hit out on him," I say taking a shot. We all start laughing as Joey says,"Well I beat all you to it." "I was in love with Sarah's mother," Papa says and takes a shot. "Yay," I yell while drumming my hands on the table,"You finally admitted to it." I poke my papa on the end of his nose as I turn back around and say,"I ran into a Son few months ago that I didn't know at a bar in Stockton. I took him home with me but it just so happens that son is juice. "Really," I hear Juice yell from across the room before he walks up to the bar. He pours himself a shot before he says,"I slept with your at the time ex old lady but I didn't know. Well at least till after when I saw your picture on her bedside table." Juice took the shot as Tig came up saying,"That's so cute. Isn't that so cute Jax?" "You kept my picture on your bedside table," Jax ask me. "I'm going kill you, I whisper to Juice before I look back smiling at Jax and say,"Yes it made me feel not so alone." Jax smiles at me before glaring at Juice and saying,"I catch you looking at her wrong and I'm killing you." "I won't let him kill you Juice," I say patting him on the shoulders. "And if you touch him again then he is dead too," Jax says looking at me. "Let's go to bed Mr. Teller," I tell Jax while taking his hand and leading him to our bedroom.

"Parenthood," I moan as I open the door and see both Serenity and Hayden in our bed. "Shhh," Sarah tells me as she puts her fingers over my lips. "I wanted some tonight though baby," I tell her while faking a pout. "We have the rest of our lives," she tells me while kissing me. She turns and slips under the covers wrapping her arms around Hayden as she did so. I crawled in bed too and Serenity woke long enough to check who it was before she snuggled into my chest and fell back asleep. As much as I wanted sex tonight I found myself thinking that this was a great second. I held my sleeping daughter to my chest and said a silent thanks that this war with Lenny and his crew was over. I hoped that Sarah would do ok after everything settled down and she was really able to think about what had happened in these past few weeks.

   I laid in bed wide awake. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After I used the bathroom I washed my hands staring at my reflection in the mirror the whole time. I tried to ignore the images I kept seeing in my head all night but when I was alone in the dark I couldn't shut them out. I kept seeing the way that man's head looked with three bullets in it or the man that's  blood squirted across me as he held onto his throat. I slipped out of the room down to the bar. I poured myself another glass and sit down at the bar. "Can't sleep," I hear Clay says as he sits beside me at the bar and pours himself another glass. "Am I a bad person," I ask Clay as I take a sip from my glass. "I'm a bad person," Clay tells me as he lights up a cigarette,"You are most definitely not a bad person. If you were you wouldn't be worried that you were." I laugh and say,"Opie said a comment other night very close to the one you just said." "He is a smart boy," Clay says taking a drag off his cigarette. "Don't make me kill anyone please," I say through tears as I quickly take a big drink from my glass. "Keep Jax wearing that cut and I'll make sure you never have to kill a person," Clay says obviously willing to try and benefit from my weakness. "Done," I say glaring over the glass at the wall. What Clay didn't know was with my plan to change the club Jax would never have to stop wearing his cut. Though it was in this moment that I realized why I had stopped liking Clay and it was because he preyed on people. I got up from the bar and say over my shoulder,"I'm going to bed now." I walk back to my room wanting to get away from Clay before I punched him.