Daughter of Mayhem

Patch In

     I walked in the club to see everyone sitting around talking with each and drinking. We knew if Zach was here he would want us to be celebrating the life he had and that's just what everyone was doing. I looked around at this group of people I considered family and thought to myself what an odd family I have. I loved them though and wouldn't want any other family. "A bottle of whiskey for the woman is just what the doctor ordered," Bobby says walking over to me with a bottle of Jack. "The doctor huh," I say while chuckling and grabbing the bottle from him. "I mean I could've been a doctor if I had wanted," he says with a smirk,"Instead I decided to be a badass." I burst out laughing at Bobby as he grabs me up in a big hug. "Come sit and talk with Uncle Bobby," He says motioning towards a table in the corner with two glasses. "Oh they sent in the big guns did they," I say laughing as I notice everyone watching us. "I don't know what you mean," he tells me faking innocents. I sit down at the table with my back up against the wall. I knew I was safe here but I could never really put my guard completely down. That's why no matter where I go my back was always to the wall. "Something's never change," Bobby says over the top of his glass. I give him a confused look and he says,"You have always had to have the corner spot. Never completely comfortable enough to let your guard down." "It's part of this life," I tell him with a grin on my face. "No angel it's not," he says taking a drink, "Watch the men in here not many have to have their back against the wall at least here. They feel safe here but you never feel safe do you?" I looked to Bobby and suddenly knew the truth. "No I don't ever feel safe," I said and finished my glass before I went on,"I've been in this life a long time but not by choice. I was hiding in the house when someone I should've been able to trust killed my father. Then the club hid it from me but not only that they hid the facts of my mothers death from me. I ran after that and fell into this young man's arms that seemed amazing. He was great for awhile but then we got married. After that it went downhill he had started hitting me and every night I fought him till my fight was gone. I eventually got out of that situation to join up with Joey and his crew. Things seemed great at least till someone in our crew turned on us and literally stabbed me in back. Then I got out of the life I was tired of being hurt by people close to me or watching them hurt. I mean my dad, my mom, Jax cheating, my ex husband betraying me, my best friend turning on us and stabbing me, Joey leaving me on my own, and then when those men broke in my house was the last straw. I had actually been out of the life long enough and my guard was gone. I didn't have to sit with my back against the wall anymore. I realized that was just an illusion there is no getting out of this life because we are going to be paying for our past sins the rest of our lives. I realize that now and I'm ok with that but I've been hurt enough I don't know if my guard will ever be down completely. I was taught the hard way that you can only depend on yourselves." Bobby poured us another drink before saying,"Yet you let us surround you and you would die for anyone in here." I thought about what he said because he was right. If I didn't trust these people why was I so open to them and willing to die for them. "It's not always about what you feel inside," I say taking a drink ,"I know down deep that you wouldn't hurt me but I'm damaged. I can't shake the feeling that the other shoe is going drop." We set in silence for a minute before I say,"I need the club I know this and I know it's time I take my spot as princess of SamCro." "I have an idea," Bobby says as his eyes meet mine over his glass,"Your right you need to take your spot as the princess of SamCro but you also need to take your spot at the table. Imagine showing up at the next race as SamCro with every charter in this country by your side. Your completely right you need to take your spot." Right then Gemma walked up and says,"He is right baby girl. We are feared not only for our strength but for something your crew doesn't have. We have the numbers of a true army and I think it's time you call your army in princess. " Clay comes up laughing and says,"Spoken like a true Queen."

     I over hear Sarah, Bobby, my ma, and Clay talking about Sarah taking her spot as SamCro. The thing was I didn't agree with the patch and she knew I didn't. I could tell she wasn't sure when her eyes found mine. "Jax," she mouthed calling me to her side. "I don't know about this patch," I say joining the table. "I understand your stance Jax," Clay says lighting  up a smoke,"But we have to look at the best way of taking down the Irish chinks." "And taking a patch is that," I say meeting Clay's gaze,"She is an old lady that is enough reason to pull our charters in." "But we need them to fear me," Sarah says while rolling up a joint,"First and only woman to patch into the Sons is something on its own. It shows I am someone to fear." Sarah lights up the joint and hits it before passing it to me. "You have no clue what that patch will do," I say hitting the joint trying to calm my nervous. "Would you ever change your mind about that patch," she ask me looking up through her long lashes. "You know I wouldn't," I tell her,"But it doesn't change the fact that the cut changes you and if a damn soul in here tells you different they are lying. Chibs come here and hear your daughters brilliant ideas." At this time the rest of the men join as Chibs walks over. "What's the brilliant idea," Chibs ask as he sits down in a chair at the table. "I want patched in," Sarah says not meeting his gaze. "And what has caused this oh so brilliant idea," Chibs says glaring to Bobby. "I couldn't help but see her point in it brother," Bobby says while blowing out a puff of smoke. "Oh right and how is this helping her," Chibs ask before saying,"I asked you to talk to her make sure she was ok not convince her to join a biker club." I knew tempers were going start heating up real fast when it came to an old lady and a daughter. "Wait she maybe right," I hear Joey say causing me to turn and face him in shock. "Oh really," I say to him ready to get up and kick his ass. "Just hear me out before you go ape shit crazy," Joey says holding up his hands,"Last race is next week it's two days after Sarah's birthday and each year on Sarah's birthday we throw an over the top party. Which I think she kinda forces us to do but that's besides the point. Each year people from around the country show up and I can guarantee that some how Lenny and his crew will see it or have someone there to spy. Well each year Sarah comes out in a grand fashion like she does everything and I think this year she should come out as who she truly is. Who her father wanted her to be. I think that you should call in every charter to ride in with her and the world should meet Sarah the princess of SamCro and the first woman to be patched in. Show them we aren't scared. This is a war and she has her army I think she needs to use it." It hit me right then that there was to much of a reason for her to do this and if it protected anymore lives from being taken I couldn't stop her. "Let's do this then," I say to her. "Time for church brothers and umm sister," Tig says holding his arms out for Sarah. Though she walked forward her eyes never left mine and I saw it in her eyes then. Something had changed since her brother's death and I didn't know if there was any coming back from this.

      I walked out of the bathroom to see Sarah sitting on the bed with her cut in her lap. "What are you thinking,"she ask me as I come closer. I sit on the bed pulling a cigarette from my pack on the bedside table and lighting it up. I blow out a cloud of smoke thinking about how I felt but I didn't know. "I'm not sure," I say leaning back on the headboard, "I know for the first time in a long time I'm scared though. This cut brings death to the people closes to the ones wearing it. I know you have seen it with your parents. This cut brings an even harder life to the one who wears it. I didn't want this for you." She laid the cut on the chair beside the bed and then turned to face me. She climbed on top of me kissing me as she did so. "I'm with you Jax I'll be ok," she whispers in my ear. "I can't lose you," I say running my hands through her hair. She sits back to look at me for a second and says,"I trust you and I know you will keep me safe." She laughs before leaning down and kissing me again then saying,"I trust you at my back Jackson Teller."

      I laid on my back beside a sleeping Jax and begin to think about everything that had happened tonight. I knew it was no coincidence that Clay and Gemma both so happened to want me parched in. I knew Clay was doing what Gemma wanted and Gemma wanted me to have roots in the club. Though I didn't know why. I started to wonder if everyone's feelings had been fueled by the death of my brother. I couldn't help to think that none of this would've happened tonight if my brother wouldn't of died. Actually in fact I knew if Zach was alive he would've never aloud me to patch in. He probably would of kicked my ass but thing was I had to sacrifice for my family. If I was in the club I had numbers now and it also gave Jax the motivation to change the club. I knew I couldn't leave Jax but I also knew I couldn't deal with death around every corner. Now with me in the club Jax would want to make it change if for no other reason then to keep me safe. I half way felt like Gemma having a double secret agenda but I did learn from her. I looked up to the sound of the door opening. I saw Serenity trying to tip toe in the room when I say,"Come get it bed baby." She runs the rest of the way across the room and jumps in the bed. She crawled over me to snuggle between Jax and myself. I smile down at her as she immediately drifts back to sleep. I snuggle up next to her holding her in my arms as I feel sleep take over.