wings of freedom | aot x reader

The End of Various Beginnings

Jean's P.O.V.

After re-reading my letter for what seemed like the billionth time, I fold it away and tuck it under my coat.

I try pushing away my tears that never actually came, how could I possibly cry at such an occasion? You're not supposed to cry at goodbyes, because they're for the best. They're a wake-up call to remind you about your current situation. Thing is, there have been such few nice to meet you's and so many goodbye's, sometimes I few like I should be preparing my own unexpected departure.

Y/n's getting to my mind. No. She already did.

I've never believed in reincarnation, perhaps never will. But just thinking about it makes me a little lighter. I'm struggling to believe things that will make this situation feel better, but I can't.

"J-Jean..?"

I whip around, her letters clutched safely between my fingers, "Yes, Sasha?"

"You've been staring at the wall for some good five minutes," She said, jumping on her bed and embracing her pillow, "What're you holding?"

"I uh... letters." I shuffle through them, searching for Sasha's but at the same time hesitating to do so. It would only add to her list of 'bad memories' anyways. But either way, the brunette hops off her bed and quickly gets ahold of the papers.

"I never thought you had a thing for letters,"

"They're not mine." She pauses at the sight of her name, looking at me with furrowed eyebrows before opening up the paper, smoothing the wrinkles cautiously as her fingers began trembling uncontrollably. And I just stand there, observing her body shake as she read the lines, sometimes even re-reading the same sentence just to make sure she appreciated Y/n's letter enough.

Eventually though, Sasha ends the letter with a prolonged sigh, "Thank you, Jean."

"Uh, yeah." I was literally pushed away from her room before she slammed the door in my face.  I could still faintly hear her quiet sobs and choking on tears as I walked through the tight hallways, somewhat feeling claustrophobic. I felt paltry.

They said Y/n's departure would make me stronger. But why do I feel bothered by these narrow hallways, when all I felt when holding onto her was elation? Why do I feel scared of caring for others, even though I loved loving her. Why can I only see the evil from things, when all I saw while being with her was reason to keep moving on.

I guess Y/n really was selfish in some aspects. After all, she did leave with all our regards, love, and memories. While all she left for us were these stupid letters. I gripped the letters with both hands, trying to rip them into pieces.

"What are those, soldier?" A tiny silhouette appeared from underneath my sight.

"Captain... hi." I lowered the letters, greeting Levi.

"Don't 'hi' me. Give me those." He snatched the papers.

"I really don't recommend-"

"Shut up, Kirschtein." Levi groaned, shifting them and finding his letter.

"Yes, sir."

I patiently watched Levi's monotone reaction, with a few 'this brat' and 'who does she think she is?' in between. Regardlessly of how vexed he was by the end, Levi still folded the letter back and placed it in his coat.

Deep down, I guess I was hoping to see Levi break down into tears. Perhaps if Y/n's words were a bit nicer, he would've felt sympathy but not anymore. In some way, this was also enjoyable. A happy farewell is always gratifying.