Nadine's POV
I am a mess. A bloody, uncoordinated mess with blurred vision. From tears or sickness, I'm not sure.
I want to freeze the world, make sure nobody can see me like this. Erase Cade from sitting slumped at his desk and cans of alcohol circling him.
My back is pressed against the door I locked. I try to focus on that and the throbbing pain in my wrist.
Because I used the knife. Despite every thought of wanting to be strong, behind it was a blanket of incredulous doubt.
"Nadia?"
Am I hearing things?
I'm not real.
Riley isn't.
My thoughts aren't.
Everything and whatever bad things happened to me aren't either.
None of this is real.
The deep, muffled voice comes again, this time more insistent. "Nadine? It's Kai and Elana. Open the door. What happened?"
My memory serves me no purpose - I can't remember what happened.
Do not open the door.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
My back vibrates with each blow to the door.
Kai and Elana?
Elana's here?
No, no, no. I don't want her here. I don't want him here, either. I want...
I'm not sure what I want.
Akiko, maybe? Always Akiko.
"Nadia," Elana's voice echos. "Open the door, okay? Kai and I just want to help you."
I can't move.
"Nadia, seriously." Kai.
A deep silence overtakes my body.
My throat itches with pleas and screams that will never reverberate through walls or hit the ears of people who I liked to believe were my friends.
For a split second I thought maybe they were good. And everytime, I have been proven wrong.
BANG!
Something cracks, the sound of wood splitting jumping on the knife, the cans, Cade's slack body.
More insistent pressure comes from behind the door. I push my back against it and plant my feet hard on the floor to anchor my strength.
"If you just...didn't make a big deal out of everything."
I'm too weak. I slide, wedged between the wall and door when Kai forces it open.
"Nadia?" Elana says, her voice somehow higher pitched than usual. Her head peaks around the door.
"Fuck." The word is solid coming from Kai's mouth—a singular sentence. The door blocks my views of him, and I hear, but not see, him go over to Cade.
The cans make such a distinct sound, tapping against each other.
Elana circles over to me, crouching down to meet my eyes. "Nadia, are you okay? Should I call someone?" She glances behind her, pushing the door to a slight close. "Kai, should I, like, get a teacher or something?"
"No." Kai says, a little too quickly with no further explanation.
Her eyes come back to me, looking down at my wrist. She tracks the blood that trickles down into a puddle before her eyes snap away, avoiding it completely. "What happened? Was it just, like, Cade? Drinking? Did it freak you out or something?"
I do not answer. I don't know how.
It was Riley, but he was never here.
With the door only slightly ajar now, I'm drawn to Kai's actions. He goes over to the small kitchenette and fills a glass with water before going back Cade and pouring it on his face.
"Wake up, man," he mumbles, voice lead by a certain desperation.
"Nadine, look at me, not them. Can you tell me how to help you?"
There is a fire inside, searing my intestines. Nobody can help me. I can't tell anyone how to help me. It's pointless. I'm pointless. Useless.
"Elana, you know you can't tell anyone about this, right?" Kai hits Cade's cheek. "Not even Daisy or Dawn."
"Why?"
"Because Cade doesn't need this fuckin' shit right now." He looks to see if Elana is really listening to him, but rather his stern gaze landing on her, they creep to my wrists.
Blood is like a magnet everyone's eyes snap to.
"Find bandaids or somethin' to clean her up."
He talks about me like I'm a ghost of a patient.
Elana stands and starts rummaging around the kitchen and bedside drawers.
"Caden, wake the fuck up!"
Noise and movement blurs together. Simultaneously, I feel like I'm going to faint, throw up, or die on the spot.
The next thing I can cognitively process is Cade groaning awake.
Sentences bite my tongue. My heart leads me to believe Cade is the only one who can answer to them.
Why did you drink?
It's my fault.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Why did I use the knife?
A chain holds me back from moving, speaking, blinking. Confessing.
Because Riley was never here.
I am like this because I will never be fixed. I can't blame it on anyone else.
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[Writing Nadine's Stuck. again feels like coming back to a part of myself. I'm not sure if I'll regain my previous fans or popularity after my 'hiatus' of such, but I don't have as much care for that—I'm just glad to be back. Though, I did plan to be back sooner, I ended up getting into a situation with my abuser which landed me in the hospital. I'm forever grateful to everyone who sent their support my way, and you will always be in my heart.
This school year has been pretty stressful for me, and I failed my most recent math quiz TT I will have to study more LOL. For everyone else, if involved, I hope academics are going well!
As always, I love you all so so much. PLEASE stay safe and eat + drink well! ^^]
. . .
PS !! I made a Twitter account : @/InnocentSolance ! Follow me there ^^
Support Jane Doe in the Cornell 7 Case: https://c.org/V5rHv9VLtD
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Nadine's Stuck.
General Fiction⋆ ˚｡⋆୨˚Nadine "Nadia" Rosewood is a fourteen-year-old girl who has been struggling since before she can remember. Everything she touches goes to shit. Everyone she loves leaves. ⋆୨୧⋆ Nadine has been struggling with self-harm, depression, and social...
