Nathan

❷❺

"I am a transparent want and desire, P, and the moment you stop lying to yourself, is when you'll come crawling back to me, because I'll be opaque."
- Nathan

Roman pulled up to my house in his car, and we shared an awkward glance. I had been acting weirdly the entire night, simply because my mind was on Nathan, and not him. He had been nice enough to not question me the entire time, and let me wallow in my own thoughts. But I guess now, he has other plans in mind.

"Don't think that I haven't noticed how spaced you've been the entire night, you good?" The boy asked, turning off the car, and leaving us in silence. I could feel him looking at me, no matter how dark it was.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking about Nate." I tell truthfully, not seeing a reason to lie to him any further.

He scoffed, "That's what I thought, I know you two are close and everything – so believe me, I hate to say this – but I think he's jealous." and I automatically agreed with him. I was relieved that he felt the same way I did, maybe it wasn't for the same reasons, but still.

I shook my head, looking at the small portion of his face that was visible due to a glare from the streetlights. Roman raised his eyebrows, confused on why I wasn't saying anything. Instead of speaking, I just grabbed him by his ears gently and pulled him into me. The boy knew where I was going with this, so he complied by meeting me halfway.

His lips were smoothed over, and he still tasted like popcorn. That only made me kiss him more slowly, so that I could savor the moment. Today reminded me of how much I need him in my life. Since the instant that I almost felt as though he was gone, I felt empty.

"I love you." I state, for the first time ever in our relationship. Sure, I said it to him all the time before because we're best friends, but this was different. So different, that it made his lips freeze, and he pulled away to view my eyes. I couldn't help but realize that his were beginning to brim with ... tears? "Why are you about to cry, do you want me to take it back?"

Roman leaned away from the center of the car and glanced out the window. As he observed the still landscape, it finally fell, and rolled all the way down his face. "I'd kill for you, you know that? So far in my life, I've been given nothing but misfortune. Friends dying, girlfriends using me ... my parents. The first time someone told me that they loved me, and meant it, it was you."

I wasn't following. "I don't unders–"

"You said it when we were 5, remember, at that diner?" Ro stopped talking for a bit, to shake his head and chuckle. "Peri you are the first and the last person to love me, a-and I'm crying because ... I don't want that to go away." By now, his voice was cracking, and I could tell that he was only going to get more emotional. Hell, even I was about to start, because I never knew that.