Nathan

❸

"Do you have any idea how Penelope is going to feel, knowing this?!"
- Nathan

The next day, Nathan and I were laying down on the couch together, watching television. It was only cartoons, really, really old cartoons.

"I used to love this show...." I muttered, too lazy to even attempt to speak at a pitch above that one. "But then I grew up."

Nathan chuckled shortly in my ear, "I still watch it sometimes." I guess he thinks otherwise. That you're never too old when it comes to Max and Ruby.

I just smiled, feeling as my eyelids slowly began to fall swiftly over my eyes. Today had already been a tiring day. Even though I spent it doing technically nothing, I was still exhausted.

"Nathan...." I try, snuggling more into the couch below. "I'm taking a nap." I reported, knowing that he'd be okay with it.

I mean, we've watched this episode tens of times, what's one more without me?

X

When I woke up, the sun that's usually blinding me from the living room, wasn't in my face. That confused me a bit, until I actually woke up and looked around the room. I could clearly see that I wasn't in the living room, rather, I was currently laying in my bedroom.

"The fuck..." I cursed, once I met the eyes of Nathan, my brother. He laid on the other side of me, his eyes already trained on me from what I'm assuming was the beginning.

"How did I get in here?" I ask, wiping the sleep from out of my eyes.

"I carried you in here," he informed, and I quickly pushed the thought of being cradled in his arms to the back of my mind for later. "I forgot you sleep heavy."

I chuckled at his response, and rolled back over to face the other side. There, I saw that it was only 10:28am, meaning that I'd only been sleep for about fifteen minutes. Which was highly unlike me.

"I woke up super early."

"No .... I-I kind of woke you up."

"Why ..?"

The way that Nathan trailed scared me, well, it made me nervous. It made it seem as though he had something weird to tell me, and I know that that doesn't happen very often.

"What is it then, I'm up." I nervously laugh, trying my best not to jump to conclusions.

"Well I decided to watch tv in your room, because your bed is far more better than the couch. About ten minutes go by, and you start calling me.

"I'm sitting here like ... 'What?' 'What is it Peri?', but you weren't replying back to me so I was like okay, she's just talking in her sleep.

"After a while it got really annoying so I was really close to waking you up, but then you started to legit moan. Not only incoherently, but my name as well."

I mentally started to curse, knowing that this was around the time I usually have weird dreams. Most infamously, they're about Nathan, and I don't think that he'd prefer to be anywhere near me when they happen.

"What do you mean?" I decided that playing dumb was the best way to verbally persuade Nathan to think that I didn't have any idea what he was talking about.

"I don't want to like .. jump the gun or anything but it sounded like you were having dirty dreams about me."

My face suddenly fell blank, and it held a 'yikes' look, one that I didn't bother hiding. For the simple fact that I didn't think that he'd misread it. But, of course, he did.

"What ... does this happen all that time? Like, is this normal to you?" Nathan was asking too many things, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get out a clear answer with him freaking out.

"Listen to me it-"

"Oh okay, so it does," He nodded, scoffing to himself and getting out of my bed. "That's fucking weird Peri, why didn't you tell me about this before?"

I shrugged my shoulders and avoided eye contact nonchalantly. But Nathan on the other hand took that as a sign, a sign that I was hiding something from him. In which I was.

"Don't tell me that you like these dreams ... That-That you're-That you're okay with this happening." He panicked, not really knowing how to take this.

I just sat there silently, knowing that my secret regarding my brother was close to being known. Nathan looks at me as a sister, in which I am, and that made him resent the idea of me not caring about these sexualized dreams of him even more.

"Nathan it's not that serious. I mean, I don't act on them."

"Yeah, because I won't let you, because .... I'm your brother." He fired back, honestly getting a bit heated over something that he shouldn't be.

What makes me feel bad about this is the fact that Nathan hates the fact that I have these dreams. I would've been good if he just told me that he felt creeped out, which I already know he does because they're about him.

As well as the fact that I've kept it a secret for all of these years.

"Why do you have these dreams Peri? Why do you like them? Have I led you on in some way that's making your ... brain think that I actually want you in that way?" He genuinely asked.

I could feel my throat swelling, meaning that the tears weren't too far away. I'm trying my best to hold them in, though, because with me crying, he'd be able to connect the dots and answer his question for himself.

"I don't know, no I guess? They just happen okay, it's honestly not that big of a deal."

"IT IS, PERI! Do you have any idea how Penelope is going to feel, knowing this?!"

"Nathan, there's nothing to tell, there's nothing for her to know. God damn, you're acting like I like you or something."

Immediately after I said that, I regretted it, because I for one knew that that's the cause of my dreams and that's the reason why I was taking his reaction to heart.

After I had said this, Nathan crossed his arms across his chest and just looked at me. I could sense that he was trying to decipher what actually was going on inside of my mind.

Hell, if he ever found that out, then he'd probably explode, based off of his reaction towards me having stupid dreams.

Before I could say anything else, Nathan cursed aloud, basically telling me that he'd figured 'it' out. "Peri please tell me that you don't have feelings for me."

I furrowed my eyebrows his way. "Of course I do, you're my brother-"

"No, you know what I mean. Tell me right now with a straight face that you don't like me in a way that's not sisterly." He demanded, giving me no time to stall or readjust my face.

The truth is, I couldn't do that, because I'd be lying to myself. Which is something that I just can't see myself getting off. So without any thought behind it I said, "I can't." and looked away from his face.

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