playboy diaries : c.h

16: tragic

clarice anderson.

Everything was fucked up for reasons.

1. I was played.

2. They never talked nor approached me.

3. I have feelings for two people.

4. Unfortunately, I started to love Calum.

These reasons can't just get off my mind for a bit.

I know Luke is there, asked me out for him to be my escort and I said yes. Even though it pains to see that the one person you loved, the truth is he never really cared or showed a sign of love for you.

I guess loving someone really needs acceptance. And I guess loving someone involves big sacrifice. That is what I don't have.

"You good?" Michael asked in the middle of our session. He has helped me with the past lectures and stuff I missed in school. It's been two days since I was absent and I really need some catching up to do.

I sighed and laid my pen down. "Yeah, maybe I'm just tired and shit."

"You'll be turning 18 in four days. Isn't that a bomb?"

"Nah, it is not. I mean, yeah because you're giving me a gift so I can say it's a bomb." I joked at him and he nudged me playfully, laughing at his sudden nervousness about him giving me a gift.

Sometimes, I see myself being with Michael. He maybe an asshole and an addict when it comes to pizza and video games, but he's the type of guy to pull out the corniest joke and try hard to make you laugh, or even sing you songs to make you sleep. If I was with Michael, maybe I would be happy and not thinking too much about this thing you call love. But, we see each other as best buds and dance buddies. That's all.

"I see. You need to rest. Don't go tardy tomorrow, my child."

"Yes, daddy. I won't."

"Did you just called me daddy?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

"That's disturbing."

I let out a laugh as he scrunched his nose up at the thought that I really called him daddy. It was weird though, it was funny either.

"Michael, wait!"

I shouted as he was about to go out of the door.

This time, with hope filled in my eyes.

"What is it?"

"Can you please tell me why did you do that thing to me?"

Michael stiffened. I know he knows what I am talking about. I need the proper explanation to these. And I hope I get them as soon as possible.

I sat down at the couch and waited for Michael to sit beside me. When he did, I faced him and pleaded for him to start.

"So," he breathed. "It was the first day of school. Me, Luke, Calum and Ashton always have this thing that we call 'lunch fights'. With that, we find someone to prank on or even make fun of. I don't know but sometimes it pains to see people being fun of and I can't even dare say a word. Calum saw you then, you were alone and I swear even if you were facing us backwards you looked beautiful."

"Anyway, Calum decided to put a bet on you. He has been a playboy eversince that girl came in to the picture."

"Who's the girl?" I interrupted him.

He faced me and looked away. "I better not tell the story. Ask Calum first because I'm not in the place to tell it."

I sighed and he continued. "Remember that time you went out with Luke for your birthday plans?" I nodded in confusion and agreement.

"That's the time Calum went up to me and we talked about you. I think that time he loves you. But, the goddamn deal we had for you always crosses his mind. He never really had a shit about himself. So, he decided to go with the flow and ditch you right away. He became heartless."

"He became heartless for you." I gulped at the story Michael told me. It wasn't just a story, but a kind of mystery for me.

"Why did he kiss someone else? I-I waited for him because I thought we were good and in peace but he did. Why?"

Michael stood up from his seat and went to the door. I ran up to him and gave him one last look before he opens his mouth again to say something.

"It's all about the deal. You fell for it, fix it yourself and don't put us in this situation. Clarice, I'm sorry but I have to go."

And with that, Michael walked away.

Without any single word.

Without any signs at all.

*

My alarm clock startled me. I darted my eyes at the clock and it's only 7:00 in the morning. Classes start at 8:00 so I deciced to sleep for at least ten minutes and go back to reality once again.

I was about to drift to sleep when my senses doesn't want me to sleep again. I feel alive, and I know this day might be turning out good. Let's just hope for the better.

After taking a bath and fixing myself, I hurriedly went out of my room to eat breakfast and say a casual goodbye to my mom.

I parked my car to the usual space I always loved to go to. The tree where me and Calum got toge- I mean, a joke or fake relationship.

My feet dragged me inside the campus and casually bumped into four boys.

Michael, Ashton, Luke and especially Calum.

What a fucking great way to start a day.

"Clarice, let us explain please." Calum pleaded, his eyes getting watery for a second.

Michael just stared at me with mercy in his eyes, I glared at them.

"Explain? Explain what?" I shouted. People are now staring at us. I want this. For these people to know how fake and shit they are to me.

Luke gripped my hands. "Clarice, not he-" I cutted him off by swatting my hurted hands from him.

"Not here? Why not? For these people not to know how disgusting are you? Well, now people of this institution! Look! These four boys ruined my life by betting on me for some kind of deal and played with my feelings! How good is that?" I laughed evily at them, who are now staring at the floor.

This scene is too much for me. I just defended myself, and nothing's wrong with it.

"You have nothing to explain, Calum. Or even you and your fucking best friends. I'm over your actions and please stay away from me."

I walked away, leaving them all behind with pain stucked in their tracks.

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ahoy! i'm back from war lmao sorry for not updating i hooked up with my luke fanfic :-(

but ilysm and yas 5sos has a snapchat: wearefivesos good luck humans :D take care and love u :)