Confessions of a Bitch

Baby G

For three days, I lock myself in my bedroom, surviving on some dried nuts and the apricot packets I found under my bed. I hate apricots. Both dad and mum try everything to get me out of my room by enticing me with ice cream and posters of both Jon Snow and Khal Drogo. Nothing works. On the fourth day, dad has no choice but to break down the door to get in. By then, it’s too late. I’m passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of brown hair dye on the ground and cracked lips. My hair lies in un-evened clumps on the floor. I cut it off during one of my depressing nights. By the time I wake up, I’m in hospital with brown hair and baggy eyes. Without giving anyone an explanation, I check myself out of the hospital.

“Amanda,” I look up to find my mum standing before me with a mug.

“I don’t want it.”I reply, looking away.

“They’ll find Victoria soon.” She says as she sits beside me. I don’t reply. Instead, we sit together staring at the white walls until the tea in the mug runs cold. I head back to my room and look at the pictures once more. There’s nothing new and everything seems the same. There’s nothing special about the woman and I can’t see anything to register the car. I exhale quickly in annoyance. Lots of things don’t even make sense anymore and it’s doing my head in.

I return to school the following Monday, cranky as hell. Students stay out of my way in the school hallways. The teachers don’t say a word. I pass by Victoria’s locker and take a quick glance at it. Notes hoping for her safe return are pasted all over her locker. I roll my eyes and avert my gaze. No one cared about her when she walked the school halls. No one should care now.

I’m not here to find answers. I’m not here for Hotpants or the tapes. I’m here for Alyssa.

It’s when the final bell rings; I see her standing by her locker. I stand by the double doors, waiting until everyone leaves. She slowly takes her books out of her locker and then shuts it.

“Hello Alyssa.” I say as I step out of my hiding place.

She seems startled before quickly regaining her composure. “Oh hello! How are you today?”

“Cut the crap!” I say as I move closer, towards her.

“I don’t understand. What’s the matter?”

“You suck at hiding your tracks.”

“I-I-I don’t understand.”

“After all these years, you’ve finally decided to come back.”

Alyssa pales. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, Baby G, welcome back.”

“So you know…”

“What do you want from me?” I ask with gritted teeth.

A crimson smile forms on Alyssa’s lips. “You ruined my life once. Now I’m going to ruin yours.”

“Cut the crap, Alyssa. Where is Victoria?”

She moves closer. The smell of her perfume overpowers my nose to the point of torture. “I’m sorry. I can’t tell you that.”

“Why?”

“Have you ever noticed Victoria is your number one weakness?” I don’t reply. “Well I have. It’s so easy to see.”

“I broke you once. I can do it again.”

“Too late for that. You broke me once, but I will break you until there is nothing left.”

By now, my blood pressure has sky rocketed. I want to throw her against the locker and force her to tell me where my friend is, as I slowly crush her windpipe. Instead, I smile and say, “Watch me.” before walking away.

I enter my rusty car and drive away trying to keep my eyes steady on the road. I don’t drive home. I don’t drive to Hotpants’ place or Victoria’s parents’ house. I drive towards the beach and park my car at the car park next to an old fish and chips shop. I have a phone call to make.

With trembling fingers, I type the ten numbers on my phone and wait nervously as the phone rings. I didn’t think I’d be doing this. Not in a million years did I think I’d be calling him.

“Hello?” My breath hitches as I hear his voice for the first time in years.

“Hello. It’s me, Amanda.”

There is a long silence at the end of the phone. “Amanda?”

“Yes. Yes it’s me.”

“Wow! It’s been a long time. How’s it going kid?”

“Yeah it’s going good. It’s been a while.” For a moment it feels good to have an old accomplice to talk to again. I feel free, disconnected from my troubles. “I need a favor from you.”

“Yeah, ok. Name it.” He says enthusiastically. I can imagine him sitting in his backyard, a beer in his hand and a gun on the table.

“I need you to kill someone.”