Confessions of a Bitch

Burning Lies

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update :/ Forgive me please :P

 

Dad knows something is up. I can see it from the way he stares at me as I walk through the door. It scares me. It’s as if he can see through my exterior and can read my mind. It’s as if he knows what I just did.

“Amanda, what’s the matter?” He asks as I walk past him.

“Nothing,” I reply, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. It’s been strange actually, how he’s lasted years with me, not caring about the way I behave. Maybe it’s a thing with step dads. Maybe they don’t care. Maybe he’s just chill as fuck or high as a bird. I don’t know.

“Is it to do with Victoria?”

“I said it’s nothing.”

“Amanda, stop!” He roars. I must say, it catches me off guard. “Look at me when I talk to you?” what the hell just happened?

 I turn towards him and throw my hands in the air. “So what? It doesn’t concern you.”

“I’m your dad!”

“Step father, actually!” As the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Dad looks at me with burning eyes. I turn around and hurry away. The rest of the day is spent moping around in my bedroom and catching up on assignments. Literature is annoying. I have to read a bunch of poem about Gwen Harwood and can’t help but cringe as I begin to read it. It’s basically about her struggling with her alter-ego and trying to find out who the other person is. I shake my head. Does she have a problem? The remaining poems are about how oppressed she and other women felt at being mothers. Honestly women, if you didn’t want to be mothers in the first place, you shouldn’t have popped out babies! I run my hand through my mattered hair before throwing the book on the carpet. I look at some of my Biology homework and cringe. It’s DNA again. I hate learning about DNA. Mathematics is the same; find the value of x in an equation. I hurriedly make my way through questions before shutting the book. Nothing makes sense. I don’t look at my media assignment. I don’t even want to think about it. I read my Modern History textbook on Russia. It’s a lesson in depression. It honestly is. Poor Russians. They went from one bad leader to another, who killed almost everyone. Fuck, that’s very depressing. I read the book I have to study for Drama called Ruby Moon. It’s depressing and creepy as fuck.

Everything I’m reading today is depressing.

I head off to the bathroom and throw myself under the shower. Maybe it will keep me sane and stop me from losing my mind. My hands tremble as I scrub myself clean with a sponge. I feel dirty, strange… almost guilty. Part of me wants to dash out of the shower, ring Bob and tell him to forget what I told him. Part of me knows he’ll laugh at me and call me weak. Anyway it’s too late now. I gave him an instruction. He has to follow it. He can’t turn back now. The damage has been done. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I think of Victoria. I wonder Viper is doing to her. Is she in pain? Is she locked up in a basement without food or water? Is Viper torturing her? My eyelids fly open. I thrust my hand towards the lever and turn off the shower.

I have to stop thinking of worse case scenarios. I tell myself the police are doing everything to bring her back safely. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to believe? I tell myself they’ll find her soon and bring her back home, where she’ll return to her crazy self, talking about joining the nunnery.