Confessions of a Bitch

The Girl Intent on Watching You Burn

A couple of months ago, that would have been me. Now, it seems like a distant memory.

It's eleven thirty at night, and I'm sitting in the backyard, smoking a cigarette. The air is crisp and cold, and the cigarette has succeeded so far in keeping me warm. I rub my left knee absentmindedly with one hand, wishing I brought my jacket with me.

I hate to admit it, but it's quite lonely. By lonely, I mean there's someone out there who wants me dead, and here I am, alone and vulnerable. A small part of me misses having David around, either watching television or playing with his phone. I miss my parents and the carefree life I had before all this bullshit began.

I try not to think about Victoria. I don't even want to think about her. I hope to God I'm not the one who finds her when I take down Viper, because it will not end well. I recoil when I remember hearing her voice at the other end of the phone, after coming across Viper's mobile. For the past six or so weeks, I have gone through my endless list of sins, wondering where and when I went too far with something, and pushed Victoria over the brink.

But that was it. I had never pushed Victoria over the brink. I had done nothing to hurt her; only protect her. She was the closest thing I had to a sister, and she just threw everything away in the blink of an eye.

I take another drag of my cigarette and let the smoke slither out through my nostrils. It was only a matter of time anyway, I tell myself, before she left. After all, people are not forever. Friendships are stupid, little things that are not meant to last. Victoria could only hang around the bad girl for a certain amount of time, before turning against her.

It seems Victoria has now become the girl, intent on watching me burn.

I should have known better. All good girls have their limits. I should have seen it coming. In Year Eleven, Victoria began going through a faze, where she'd ignore me for weeks on end and would end up crawling back whenever she needed a favour, or some money. She was probably hatching up a plan to take me down with Viper.

I think of what she could gain from working with someone like Viper. Self justification? That could be it. After all, she had wasted precious years with the Geraldton's Problem Child. Maybe she thought bringing me down would earn her favours from her God. She was bat shit crazy when it came to religion, anyway.

I sigh and finish smoking my cigarette. I don't have work tomorrow, much to relief and disappointment. Relief in the sense I probably won't have to deal with Lily and her hangover crap, and disappointment in the fact I'd have to spend my day beside the front door, with my gun in hand, in case I receive some unsavoury characters.

I stand up and head back into the house, making sure to lock all the doors and windows. I'm in bed by midnight, with my gun on the bedside table.

I wake up at midday, and look outside my bedroom window. To my surprise, everything is the way it should be. The street is virtually empty -save for one or two Aboriginal children who run past, kicking a footy or playing with a skipping rope. I close the curtains and swing my legs out of the bed. Anything's better than waking up and finding Liam or Angel, standing outside my front door.

So far, there's been a fine thread holding my existence in this town together, and I intend on strengthening it. If Liam tells Angel who I am, then I might as well kiss my life goodbye. It seems the only way to stop it from ever occurring, is to give Liam his payment. I take an apple from the fridge and slam it shut. Liam's idea of payment is never going to happen. Secondly, if Angel increases his IQ, he will put the dots together in the blink of an eye. Then, I'd be another lost cause on a chess board.