New Beginnings (Sequel to Painful Love)

Chapter 13: Next Time, Think Twice

Ashley's POV

"Zoe!" I said, waving my hand in her face. Nothing happened. She was out cold.

I held two fingers to her neck, eventually finding a pulse. I sighed, then picked her up and placed her on the bed. I sat over her with my knees at her sides, doing everything I could to regain her consciousness. Nothing worked. I couldn't think clearly.

I stared at Zoe, then kissed her face and hugged her senseless. Then I remembered something: the last time she'd used that tester is when I got it for her, and I got her something else too. I smiled. Gummy worms.

I really didn't want to leave Zoe, but I figured I had to do something. I kissed her forehead, left her a note on the bedside table, then left.

Zoe's POV

My eyes fluttered open, and I looked around. It was about three in the afternoon, and I was on our bed. I sighed, remembering I'd passed out - for what reason, I had no idea. I noticed a little note on the nightstand, and read it.

"Zoe, I've gone out to get some gummy worms for you. Remember the last time you used the tester? :) Anyway, I'll be back soon, don't worry.

<3 Ashley"

I chuckled. Ashley was always such a sweetheart.

I slowly stood up, then walked to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of cold water. I took my glass out on the balcony, then took a seat as I let the ocean waves clear my thoughts.

All of a sudden, I heard a smacking sound, and I found a box on the floor, inches away from my feet. I picked it up, looking inside. There was only one thing in it: a cigarette. I stared at it for ages, then got an idea an bolted to the bedroom.

I dug through Ashley's stuff till I found what I'd been looking for: a lighter. I went back out to the balcony, then took the cigarette and lit it. I stared at it, watching the flame slowly burn one end. I hovered my thumb over the lit end, closer and closer... I felt a sting, and I flinched, pulling my thumb back. Ouch.

I decided to try again. Not thinking twice, I slowly pushed the cigarette towards my skin. Slowly, slowly, slowly....

"Zoe! What the hell are you doing?" Ashley exclaimed, running over to me.

I pulled the cigarette back, letting it fall to the floor. Tears were in my eyes. Was I really just about to do that?

Ashley grabbed my arm. "Look at me."

I turned my head away, letting a tear fall in his blind spot.

Ashley tried again. "Look at me," he repeated.

I shook my head, blinking back tears.

He turned my face to his. I'd hurt him, I knew it. One look in his eyes was enough to tell me that I was on the verge of another bad decision.

He said nothing and hugged me wordlessly. He didn't say anything.

I was shocked. "Aren't you gonna ask me why I almost did that?"

He shook his head, embracing me tighter. "I don't need to. We both know you don't have the answer to that."

I let my tears fall as I held him tight, then we parted. He looked on the balcony table, tears springing in his eyes. "Is this... my lighter?"

I sniffed, nodding my head slowly and letting another tear fall in shame. "Are you mad at me?"

He sighed. After a long pause, he said, "No, Zoe, I'm not mad at you. And I'm not disappointed in you, either. I'm not gonna say what you did was wrong or stupid. I'm just... I'm sorry." I spotted a little tear falling from one of his eyes. He quickly embraced me again, burying his face in my shoulder. "Just remember that I'll always love you, Zoe. Please."

I wrapped my arms around him, giving him another hug. After awhile, something suddenly came to me. I'd thrown up, passed out, and felt the need to self harm again. My eyes widened, and I looked at Ashley. "I think I know why all these things happened to me today," I told him.

"Okay, then say it," Ashley replied.

I took a deep breath, then spoke one word. "Relapse."