The things we can't control

Chapter 17

Alice

I opened my eyes with too many heads above me. Students whispered but I couldn't focus on specific words. I looked to my right and saw Dylan sitting beside me, holding my hand, which I couldn't feel until now. "Uh wh-" My words were cut off by Alex who was sitting on my other side, "You shouldn't talk yet." He told me. "You were only out for a minute, do you remember anything?" Dylan followed. "Do you think you can sit up?" Alex asked. "No, maybe you shouldn't yet." Dylan insisted. I looked back and forth between the two guys as they spat some more suggestions. I put my hands on my head and closed my eyes. "Stop, I'm fine." I snapped. "I'm, just fine." They stopped battling and turned their attention to me as I pushed myself off the gym floor. "Let me help." They simultaneously offered. "I'm fine, I can get up on my own, thanks." Dylan gave Alex a sharp glare, "What is your deal?" He barked. Alex backed off, "Look man I'm not trying to cross any lines." He looked to me and stated before walking away, "I'm glad you're okay." Once he was out the door Dylan pulled me into a hug, "You had me so worried, I love you." I was still a little out of it but a smile managed to appear on my face. "I love you."

"Aw, how sweet." Samantha said with a smug face. "You gave us quite a scare there Alice," She continued. I looked around and saw the students surrounding Dylan and I, with smiles on most of their faces. "So glad you're okay." Katie Fields spoke. "Yeah, I'm relieved." Tyler Davis added. "That was pretty intense." Rachel Sparks stated with wide eyes. Quite a few others said something along the same lines until Roberts finally spoke. "Yes, we're all really glad Alice is okay. Now go have your lunch period guys." Dylan was still holding me, but I didn't mind. I always felt comfort when he held me, it reminded me that I was his. I didn't think he needed to act that way with Alex, though. The guy didn't know I had cancer, so it was probably scary and the most unexpected for him. I didn't blame him for being so concerned. Dylan was just a protective guy, and I couldn't change that. I mean, I could get pretty cold and detached but Dylan wasn't ever trying to change me.

That's what love is about; finding someone who doesn't only love you at your best, but also learns how to love you at your worst. That was the relationship Dylan and I had, although he wasn't my official boyfriend. But I didn't want to change him.

"I suggest you check in with your doctor today Alice," Roberts mentioned, "You can go now if you want. I could write you a note for your afternoon classes."

I smiled with my lips pressed shut, "Thanks Mr. Roberts, but I'm okay with going after school." Roberts nodded, "Okay. Go enjoy lunch then." He smiled, walking out of the gym with Dylan and I.

Once he was gone, Dylan leaned in for a kiss. "Mm, I could kiss you all day." I managed to say in between kisses. "You should apologize to Alex though," I added. His head tilted and surprise covered his face, "Why? It's obvious he's into you."

"I've known him for two hours Dylan, he's not into me, okay he was just concerned. But even if he was, it wouldn't matter if you trust me. I love you, and that wouldn't change if all the guys in this school liked me." I stated, followed with another kiss. "I trust you," He responded. "So please, will you apologize?" He bit his bottom lip and let out a loud breath, "Okay, I'll apologize. Maybe I was a little harsher than I needed to be." He admitted, moving stray hair out of my face, "love makes me a little crazy."
That makes two of us, I thought with a cheeky smile.
He slid his fingers in between mine and we walked down the hall, ranting about the show Community and which characters annoyed us.

At the end of the day I tried to find Alex, but I was out of luck. I needed to thank him for being there for me earlier. We hardly knew each other, but he looked out for me, and I appreciated that. "You want me to drive you to the hospital?" Dylan asked, kissing my forehead. Realizing that I wouldn't find Alex, I stopped looking. "That's okay, I'll go on my own. You should probably get your overdue assignments done."
"You're right, I probably should. I'll call you tonight then? After my homework of course." He smirked.
I nodded and got into my car, "Okay Dyl."
"Good luck." With that, he headed to his car and I drove out of the school parking lot.
What a day. I fixed my hair with one hand. After what seemed to be ten minutes, I arrived at the usual hospital I went to. I checked my hair and got out of the car. Please, please, don't have me stay here a night. Fingers crossed.

I approached the front office, did my thing, and the young man at the desk told me to take a seat. My doctor was with another one of his patients. I waited, and waited some more. The longer I waited, the more I glanced up at the clock on the wall beside where I sat. The sound it made really ticked me off.

Finally, after twenty three minutes exactly, Doctor Favro showed. I stood up right away. "Good to see you Alice, follow me." I did as he said and followed him into his main room, where his regular patients were checked up, me being one of them. "How are you feeling?" He asked as I took a seat on the bed. "Right now, I'm feeling fine. But I'm here because earlier today I fainted." I answered. He rolled his chair in front of me and sat. "What were you doing before you fainted? And what did you feel? If you can remember."
I looked up, recalling the incident. "I was about to serve a volleyball. I couldn't breathe. Uhh, I felt discomfort in my chest. Then I felt light headed, and I woke up on the gym floor. Dylan told me I was only out for a few minutes." I looked him in the eyes, "It's nothing serious right? I only fainted." He finished writing notes down and sighed, "I'd like to believe it's nothing serious Alice. But you might want to reconsider Chemotherapy. I really think you have a chance at fighting through this, but not if you let it progress much longer. Please, think about it." I held back tears, causing pain in my throat. "Okay, I'll think about it." I replied, looking down at my feet. "I'm sorry, I want to be honest with you. Reality is hard, but I'm not giving up on you. Don't give up on yourself." He smiled halfway and stood up.

A tear rolled down my cheek, followed by another. Why is my reality so hard?

"I have something that will help prevent you from fainting again, I'll be right back." Doctor Favro told me and walked out of the room. I wiped tears from my cheeks and sat up straight. Be strong. I took a deep breath. You're gonna be okay.

My doctor walked back in, rolling a strange looking tank-thing in front of him. "This is called a ventilator. It will make breathing much easier and less painful." I forced a smile, it didn't look fun to use but what other choice did I have. "Now, you won't start using it yet, because this end of the tube," he held it in front of me, "needs to be inserted into your windpipe."
Definitely not fun. I gulped.
"I know it sounds scary, but this machine will become your best friend for a while. It'll really help you breathe, I promise. I'll schedule for the operation this Sunday." He finished, moving my soon to be best friend against the wall.
I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet. "Oh, the first month using it is free of charges. Well, that's all for today so you may leave." I nodded in acknowledgment and stood up. "Take care of yourself Alice." He added as I turned away. I managed to kind of smile, "I will."

I jumped into my car and started the engine right away, turning on the radio as a distraction from my overthinking. I guess I'm losing my hair, I thought. I decided to put my life into consideration, and try to believe that there was a chance I'd make it. Maybe I'll be lucky.

I raised the volume until music drowned out my thoughts completely.