The things we can't control

Chapter 11

Dylan

She blankly looked at me with the clothes in her hands and I finally realized that she was going to get dressed. "Oh right. I'll turn around, of course." I told her as I turned on my heel. I was staring at my black converse shoes with my hands buried in my jean pockets, and I heard the sound of clothes being taken off.

As a sixteen year old guy, I have to admit that knowing Alice was changing behind me and not being able to look was difficult. Especially when I've thought about her without clothes a few times— oh god listen to yourself, you sound like such a creep. After a few seconds of staring at the ground I lifted my head and saw that there was a faded reflection in the glass window in front of me. 

Shit.

In the mirror I could see the back of Alice. She moved her blonde hair over one shoulder which revealed her full back and, well it was nice to look at; beautiful. I had never seen that much of her skin but I was always itching with curiosity. Her waist was small and her skin looked soft, making me envision gently running the tips of my fingers over it. As much as I knew I shouldn't have been looking, I just couldn't look away.

I noticed a small triangle shaped birth mark on her left shoulder blade that I didn't know was there. It looked nice and made her unique though she already was. She turned slightly and I unintentionally caught a glance of the side of her breast. My jeans began to feel tight. 

Well, shit again.

Look away Dylan.

I just want to know how she feels.

Snap out of it.

No, she's putting on her bra.

Woah, you love her remember?

I love her.

Then respect her.

I argued with the voice in my head— or should I say, myself— and realized that I was stronger than my urges and respected her so I looked back down to my shoes. 

A few minutes passed. My jeans are loose again, thank god. Reluctantly, I looked up again hoping that her shirt was on, and thankfully it was. Her pants were already on so she turned around and I quickly went back to looking at the ground. I could feel my cheeks turn pink.

"Okay, I'm done." She finally spoke so I turned to face her. She looked beautiful. She was crazy for thinking otherwise. She could have her hair pulled back, no make up on, wearing sweatpants with barbecue sauce around her mouth and I'd still think she was the most beautiful girl in the world. "You ready to go home?" I asked.

"Yes I really am." She replied with enthusiasm. 

She placed the folded hospital clothes on the bed and walked towards me. "Let's go then." I said, putting one arm around her. She showed her beautiful smile and walked with me out the door. Then, her green eyes widened and she stopped walking.

"Oh, I forgot something." She exclaimed, sounding like she forgot Sugar who was on the leash in my hand. Alice ran back in and fetched a notebook from underneath the pillow.

Maybe it's a diary.. I wondered. A friend of mine said that most girls had one. But I didn't agree with him since I'm not sexist and it was perfectly normal for a guy to have one. She slipped it under her arm and came back to where I was waiting. I examined the notebook and could see the letter 'n' followed by a comma which made no sense to me but her arm covered the rest of the word.

"What's that?" I asked, curious as I am. Then I remembered seeing her write in the same book when we were in the hospital one time. Back then she told me she was writing a story but I always wondered what she meant by that. Was she writing a book? I had so many questions. She looked at me and pushed a lump of hair behind her ear. "It's nothing really, I just write stuff." She responded. I could tell she was hiding something though, and her cheeks became red.

Alice

I turned into a tomato because there he was, asking what was in a notebook that had his name written on every page, not to mention the fucking cover. I shouldn't have wrote his name in such a visible place, I seriously don't know what I was thinking. I don't want him to know how crazy I am about him, even if he claims to love me and knows I love him.

He probably started falling for me after breaking up with Samantha while I fell in love with him way before that. The way he was looking at me said that he really wanted to know what was in the notebook and I felt like he would take it the wrong way if I didn't show him. "Oh, what type of stuff do you write?" He questioned with curiosity in his eyes. I let out a small sigh, "Poems and stuff." I lied, even though I did in fact like writing poems. He smiled and put his arm around me once more. 

"Poems are nice, I would love to read some of yours one day." 

     I looked away, "One day."