The things we can't control

August 17th

1:20 pm

I'm sorry that your girlfriend kissed Jeremy behind your back. It hurt to see you hurt, like you were today when you came to my door. God I'm so angry that your girlfriend has you, but can't see how damn lucky she is. I don't trust her anymore... What if she hurts you again? Why do you still love her? I don't understand, but I do. Because it's not easy to stop loving someone, no matter how much they hurt you. Believe me, I know. If you still want to be with her, and love her, don't let her slip away. Show her that she should be the happiest girl in the world. Show her that you're better than Jeremy. And, if she can't see that then I'm sorry but she's an idiot. 

As your best friend, I say fight for her. As someone who loves you, I say I can't watch you get hurt again. If she kisses him or does anything with any other guy again, you'll have to let her go no matter how painful it will be. 

8:01 pm

What's my problem..

Deep down, I was hoping you'd see that she wasn't there for you like I was. That she didn't love you as much as I did, because if she did, she wouldn't have kissed her ex. I'm terrible. But you called and told me you weren't ready to lose her, so, I told you not to lose her. You're back together now, and somehow, I feel even worse. I can't even talk to my best friend about it because my best friend is the problem. The problem, is that I can't fuckin stop loving you. 

I hate that I love you. I don't want to want you. Fact is, you want her and I'll never be her.

It is what it is right?

Fucking right.

She's the lucky girl who gets to have your heart, so let's hope she doesn't break it. And when she holds your hand, she better hold it tight. And when she tells you she loves you, she better mean it. And when she hugs you, she better never let go. 

Because my best friend deserves to feel the sun from both sides, to love and be loved back.