The things we can't control

Chapter 4

        I opened my mailbox with an urge of excitement. I may have even squealed. Inside was the note Dylan told me about. I reached in and grabbed the small piece of paper, unfolding it in front of me. 

So do you remember the first place we ever hung out?  if you don't I'll refresh your memory.  It was at that hidden park close to the cliff and ocean. Well I was walking there today and I felt so much nostalgia because it reminded me of us two years ago.. there's this spot that seems like a great place to look at stars. You'll see, meet me there at 8:30, and don't forget to bring a blanket.

- DYLAN 

I always loved that he would sign his name in capital letters. It was the littlest things about him I noticed the most.

I slipped the note in my pocket and felt nostalgic because I could clearly remember that day at the park with Dylan. It was when we had only been talking for about a week and weren't too close. Way back then he was still kind of an asshole but I remember thinking he was really attractive so I didn't care. It's crazy because back then I didn't think I'd ever fall for him. 

I knew the spot he was talking about. It was on a cliff and there were trees around and a perfect view of the sky. He was right, I could imagine it being a great place to look at stars. 

Oh my gosh. 

I just realized.

I'm going to be with him the whole night.

On my list I wrote I wanted to fall asleep under the stars and when I told him he smiled and his cute dimples showed. I continued thinking about falling asleep next to Dylan. What if we become closer while we're asleep? What if he unintentionally holds me in his arms during the night? What if we wake up so close that it will be awkward? 

No, it wouldn't be awkward. I thought. Things never got awkward between Dylan and I, it was just how our friendship was. If we were to wake up super close to each other we'd probably just laugh and move away. Then he'd tease me about my bedhead and I'd push him off the blanket onto the cold morning grass, because that was the friendship him and I had.

We loved each other but hated each other in a loving way, like the "mean affection" I wrote about in my notebook. It was the type of hate that made you smile when you said, "I'm so mad at you." Because the person did something that made you mad but you smiled because you really weren't mad. I couldn't last more than five minutes being mad at Dylan because I'd always realize that I need him. So I'd end up messaging him about random things, completely forgetting I was "mad", and as a joke he'd say, "I thought you were mad at me?" 

Basically, you could never stay mad at the person you tell everything to.

My lungs feel like they are about to burst my goodness. 

I swallowed two pain killers and looked for a warm blanket to bring, as well as warm clothes to sleep in. 

[a.n] not a huge fan of this chapter because my creativity and writing mind was at zero when I wrote it... still I hope you like it :)