The things we can't control

August 7th

6:40 pm

It blows my mind that we talked from 11 PM to 5 AM last night and never ran out of anything to say. I love that I can talk to you about anything and tell you everything without feeling uncomfortable or nervous. I trust you.

I feel like I've known you my whole life yet it's only been about two years. When we first started talking I thought you were the biggest asshole ever. It turns out you just act like an asshole around people you don't really know.

I actually liked the asshole I met because I also saw something good in him... it kept me interested, and on my toes. I ended up being right about you. Now I'm interested because you're not interested.

I still get butterflies around you, at least they're metaphorical and you can't see them.

You know, when I tell you I love you, I don't mean it the way you mean it.

I hate that it aches now to see you with your girlfriend. I don't know what's coming over me. I'd never want to be the one to ruin your relationship. So I smile when you talk about her and continue to tell you how cute you are together. I only smile because I can see how happy she makes you and as cheesy as it is, seeing you so happy is what makes me smile. I'm silently hurting because I wish I could make you happier than that. Love is a paradox, it makes us selfish and selfless at the same time... it makes everything clearer but somehow blinds us.

Love is stupid.

I'm listening to "if it kills me" by Jason Mraz and I can't even explain how much I can relate to it.

My little brother thinks we're dating. He doesn't understand that guys and girls can be best friends. He thinks that me having a BOY friend meant that they were my boyfriend. I don't blame him, he's only 8.

11:11 pm

I wish, that I didn't love you so much. I just want you to be happy.

"All I really wanna do is love you... A kind much closer than friends do, but I still can't say it after all we've been through." – If it kills me