Crack Fic Because Lol, Wut?

Lol, Wut?

"This is stupid."
"You're stupid."
"I'm no dumber than you, asshole."
"True."
Yugana flicks Nige on his forehead. These two are......... quite the couple.
"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE."
Oh. Well. Well shit.
"We will never be together because he's a dumb perverted British who--"
"Woah, woah, hold up there, purple tits." Interrupts Nige. "I am not perverted. You're just a slut."
"BITCH, WHAT YOU SAY?!"
Y'ALL, SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL.
"No. No author. We're not going with how you want this story to be. Yugana, shut up and go home before author puts our sexual fight on the Internet."
"SEXUAL?! LIKE I'D LET YOU TOUCH ME."
Yugana, I thought you liked it when Nige touched you.
"SHUT UP, AUTHOR, I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN HE DOES SHIT."
Nige places a hand on her shoulder. AH, HELL NOOOOOOAAAAAAAA
Yugana takes his hand and twists it, pulling it over the back of his head.
"OH SHIT, OH SHIT. OH CHRIST. POLICE. SHE'S TRYING TO TWIST MY DICK. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, YUGANA!!"
"OH GOD, HE'S SO PERVERTED."
A random police car flies in. "STOP RIGHT THERE, PERVERT!"
Yugan and Nige are very confused. "Author, wtf."
Shut up, children, I do what I want, it's a crack fic, deal with it. I can freaking have Barney the Dinosaur holding an RPG while rapping to Rap God if I wanted to.
"...... Please don't."
AHAHAHA, fine. The police car disappears.
"Why are we even the main characters here? Why can't it be someone else like Ciel Phantomhive? Or even Jack Vessalius. Author, everyone knows you want his D."
Yugana nods. "It's too obvious."
THAT'S NOT TRUE..... It's actually Elliot's D.
"HOLY--"
Author decides to end chapter 1 right here--
"WAIT, HOLD ON, CHAPTER 1?! WHICH MEANS THERE'S MORE OF THIS BULLCRAP?!" Yugana is freaking out.
I'm an author and it's a crack fic, remember? I do what I want. I coukd strip Nige if I wanted to and I KNOW you so damn well Yugana. I know you'll take his cock in your mouth.
Both Yugana and Nige are so stunned.
Nige holds on to his pants. "Uhm.. No thanks.. Well.. Actually, thinking of Yugana on my dick rather than sucking it makes me feel so much more comfortable."
Yugana bitch slaps Nige. "I'm done with all of you!" Yugana was so angry that she teleported out of this story and into the real world.
Author is pretty much getting bitch slapped.
Nige just sits there like, "Welp......"
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>> I don't even know anymore, I'm so sorry guys xD I had so much time to publish today, I just thought I'd have a bit of fun. <<