DAN'S POV
My heart breaks. Seeing her kiss that guy is painful. I've liked Sarah for so long and I couldn't wait to tell her how I felt. I was going to take her to celebrate at Subway, since it's her favorite. Then, I was going to tell her. I was going to tell her how happy she has made me felt and how much she has subliminally pushed me to do this music thing.
"Dan," Kyle says quietly to me.
I clench my jaw. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't watch them together. My insides are knotting and twisting.
"I have to go," I say. "I'm not feeling so well."
Kyle looks at me sadly. He knows that I've liked Sarah since before I even realized it myself.
"Be careful, mate," he says.
I leave quickly. I really feel physically sick. Like I could throw up any second.
I make my way to my car and drive home quickly. I enter my flat and rush to the bathroom before I throw up into the toilet.
I'm just so hurt. I should have told her sooner. I wouldn't be put through so much pain right now if I had. If things went well I would be happily holding her tightly. I would be telling her how proud I am and how smart she is. We would be chowing down happily together on some subs. We would be laughing and appreciating each other.
But I had to fuck up. I always fuck up. I've never been good with girls. I was determined to be with Sarah. I thought I was doing good with her. I thought that I could get her without any hitches. Now I don't think I could ever have her as mine.
I finish in the bathroom and go lay across my couch. The many nights spent sitting next to her on this very couch haunts me. My chest continues to ache. I'm exhausted now. I just want to sleep away the days.
A few minutes later I get a call.
"Hello?" I say, my voice quiet and raspy.
"Dan," Kyle says from the other end of the line. "Sarah wants to come by to see you."
"Kyle, I can't," I say, closing my eyes tightly. I want to see her, but knowing that she is with someone else is going to kill me.
"I tried to tell her that you're really not in the shape, but she really wants to see you," Kyle says.
My heart warms and beats faster a little bit. She cares for me, but it's not the same way.
"Okay," I sigh.
"And, um, Dan?" Kyle says.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"He wants to come."
"Wh-" I realize he means the guy she was kissing. "Kyle, no, please no."
"I tried, Dan."
"Kyle, I can't see them together. It hurts too much already," I say.
"It'll only be for a little bit, I promise," he says.
"Okay, whatever," I say. For once, I'm not looking forward to seeing her. If it was just her coming then I would be completely fine with it.
"I'm sorry, mate," Kyle says. "I'll see you in a bit."
"Bye," I hang up.
I lay back down. I wait for them to get here. I don't know how I should react when I see them together.
"Dan?" Kyle's familiar voice rings through my flat.
"Here," I call out.
They all fill into my living room.
"Dan!" Sarah says, excited to see me.
For a second I forget about the guy because seeing her face light up makes me so happy.
I stand up as she gets closer. She wraps her arms around my neck and I wrap mine around her waist. I put my face into her hair. Having her in my arms makes my heart beat faster.
"I'm so proud of you," I say quietly in her ear.
"I'm glad you guys came," she says quietly back. "I was happy to see you."
This puts a smile on my face and I hold her tighter.
"How are you feeling?" Sarah asks, pulling away far too soon.
"Uh," I start, looking around. I spot the guy and my stomach flips. "Not much better."
"I'm sorry," she says. "I hope you feel better."
I give her a weak smile.
"This is Dylan," she says, introducing me to the bloke. I nod at him.
"This is Dan," she says, introducing him to me.
"It's so nice to meet you," he says, shaking my hand. I nod at him again.
We all sit down. Sarah and Dylan sit across from me, Kyle and Will. Woody sits in the chair next to Sarah.
"So, you went to Leeds to study English lit?" Dylan asks me.
"Yes, I have," I say.
"Can I ask a few questions about it? I'm studying the same thing and I'm a bit nervous about it."
"Sure," I say.
He asks me many questions. I answer as short as possible because I don't want to talk to him. I watch Sarah hold his hand. He keeps his hand on her knee. My stomach twists, making me feel like I'm going to be sick again.
"Excuse me," I say, getting up quickly. I rush into the bathroom and close the door. I don't want them to hear this because that would be pretty gross.
"Dan?" someone knocks on the door.
"Just a minute," I say, my voice hoarse.
The door opens and Sarah walks in.
"Sarah," I say, quickly wiping my mouth.
"You okay?" she asks.
"No, and I suggest you leave because I'm not finished," I say.
"I'm not going anywhere, Dan," she says. If only that was the truth.
She is leaving me. She is going to leave me and start her future with that joke of guy she calls her boyfriend.
She sits down on the side of the tub.
"So, what do you think of him?" she asks. Oh, Sarah, why did you ask that?
"Hold that thought," I say before getting sick again.
She rubs my back and I can tell she is cringing.
"You can go out, Sarah," I say.
"I told you, I'm not going anywhere," she says.
I look back at her. Tears could spill from my eyes because she has no idea how much I want to believe that, but I just can't bring myself to do it. She has no idea how much pain I am going though right now.
"Dan, it's okay," she says.
"It's not okay, Sarah. I feel like fucking shit," I say. Her eyes say that I've just hurt her.
"Can you leave, please?" I ask her more quietly.
"Dan," she says quietly. I can hear how hurt she is and it's only breaking my heart more.
"Leave, Sarah. Please," I say. I can feel tears pricking my eyes and I don't want her to see how hurt I am. "I'm just not in the condition right now."
After a few moments I look up. She isn't there and I'm both relieved and upset. I hear the front door close and I put my head down. Tears slowly flow down my cheeks.
"Dan?" Kyle knocks on the open bathroom door.
"I can't believe I'm crying," I chuckle.
Kyle stands me up and embraces me in a tight hug. "It's okay, mate," he says.
I cry into his shoulder, "I love her."
