Raising Hell

Immortal Love

Being alone has never been a problem for me. I like the silence that it holds. I can think and reflect on what has happened or what will. I can stare into an abyss or get something done. I have never been afraid of dying alone. I wasn't scared of myself, or what my brain could come up with.

Though that day in the prison cell I finally felt the fear. It scared me to the core and I knew there was only one way to eliminate it. I felt that glass shard in my hand, the sharpness slicing the skin. I could feel the blood streaming down my chest and the sweat beading on my forehead. I never knew that a fear could make you go insane but when I looked up at Jake I realized that fear sometimes made you paralyzed, you feel as if there is no way out.

Now in my room I stare at my wall and feel something new, a different fear in a world full of frightening possibilities. My new fear makes it's home in my heart and settles in for a long stay. Have you ever felt that if you lost someone it would be the end of your existence? What is the point of love when it never lasts forever? Nothing is immortal. Yet we continue to put our souls into one another, thinking that as long as we have love then we are eternal. We feel invincible when we're in love, nothing can touch us. Then one day they're gone. Nothing but a sweatshirt and a pillow case to remember them by. So why do we do this? Why do we love someone when we know that one day we will have to say goodbye? Is it worth the pain? We wouldn't give up the feeling of love for anything, even the chance to no longer hurt. Because the feeling we have when we're in love is so indescribable that we forget that one day we will have a disease that doesn't have an antidote. We ignore the fact that hurt is near our hearts and love anyway.

But sitting in room on the floor I wonder to myself if I could ever go through that pain again. When my father died I felt excruciating pain. Then when I saw him being dragged by the soldiers I became paralyzed. There wasn't anything that could have stopped me right then and there. I had to save my father only to hear why he was still alive. I looked up to him as a child and the reason I risk my life everyday is because of him. When I found out about him betraying my city I felt the pain all over again.

Now I have Jake to lose. Every morning I wake up wondering where he is, if he is alive. As I look at the water stains on my ceiling I ask myself. Can I loose someone again?

*****

The air is cool on my skin. Clouds hang low as a long line of soldiers stand facing an official looking man. He stands there impatiently, with a clipboard in hand. It's five thirty in the morning and the sun is barely up therefore lights are hung up around the fence enclosing us.

"LISTEN UP!" The man with the clipboard growls to the crowd of a hundred or so. "All of you know that we are soon entering a war. In order to be successful we need some basic training of battle field skills. Some of you have been training for a long time but this will be more vigorous. You will be broken to your core and then built back up again." He says and we all nod in unison. "My name is Sergeant Michel but if you have any sense you will call me sir." He orders with a smirk. "Twenty laps around the fence line. If you walk there will be punishments." He looks at me, the only girl and I glare back. People start jogging and I follow close behind. I hear someone following close behind and look back to see Jake right on my tail. I turn back and ignore him.

"Hello darling." He says sarcastically as he moves closer to me. I nod my head in acknowledgment and he smirks.

"Hi sweetie." I growled and he chuckled again as we continue to run.

"That was pretty amazing what you did the other night. The guy with the knife, I mean." He tells me and I smile at the complement.

"Thanks." I say and we're silent for a while.