Welcome to my mind

Yesterday

Hey guys, let me tell you a little story!
This all happened yesterday obviously.
So I wanted to die and ish.... I ranted to a friend, and even took some pills. It wasn't a lot! Only 10!! But then she brought her mom over and ish. Her mom was so angry and just pissed off at me. I felt like such an awful person.... So yeah, That sucked! She made me call my mother and tell her to come over. She told my mom I made a threat to harm myself and ish. Mom got back and the mom and friend left. So now it was just my mom and my sisters and brother. I just sat there silently. When I didn't answer my mum, she started screaming at me and threatening to lock me away. She seems to always go there, if there's something wrong with me just lock me up so you don't have to bother with me. So she kept screaming and screaming and I just sat there crying which made her scream at me even more. And then my brother was like lol I love you and I say what I'd normally say, lol okay. Which made him cry and scream at me. He was like I always say I love you and you never say it back!! Why do you hate all of us?! And I just sat there thinking, you only say I love you whenever you come back from your dads and over here and that's only once and it's jokingly. You tell me you hate me more than you say you love me. You say you hate me to leave and go back in my room, that I'm annoying, to get a life, how I'm so fat.... And you expect me to love you? Yeah, okay. And that whole my brother crying just made my mom scream at me even more. I didn't really talk until my dad came over to pick me up. He joked around, made me laugh. And so I started to talk to my mom, like she wanted. But she just yelled over me and told me that I was wrong and all that ish.... So I just cried some more, which she yelled at even more. And after awhile, I eventually left to go over my dads. We just chilled and watched catfish. Luckily, I didn't get locked up!!! Aye!
But you know the only regret I had about taking those pills? Not taking more.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna try to kill myself! Sadly, I don't have anything to kill myself with, so I can't.

And I kind if shut off to the world, it's weird. I was all laughs and goofy at my dads, but as soon as I got in my mums car, I shut down. I barely talked unless mum started yelling at me and losing patience with me. But even then, I might have stayed quiet of give her a look. Idk, I just didn't want to talk. And then my bro asked me if I wanted cake and I didn't answer. I didn't want any, and I didn't wanna talk. So mums like if she (cringes) doesn't answer, then I'm taking her door away! So I just scream I don't want any, and I mean scream!! Like oh god! So my mom storms over screaming for me to open my door. She starts taking it apart and I just break down crying and she's yelling at me and asking why I'm crying. And it was a mess and I just hate it here so much. But I still have my door! Probs cause the whole break down thing distracted her, and then we got in a fight and I kept telling her to leave me alone and all that ish so she just left. But aye, I get to keep my door!!!

But now I have to clean my room, that my sisters trashed when I was gone for a day..... There's trash and food everywhere, like wtf..... It's disgusting and I'm upset and mad and I hate being welcomed back to a room with trash and fucking food everywhere that I have to clean! That made me cry too.
For fucks sake, I'm just a big crybaby lately..... So weak....