Welcome to my mind

So....

Okay so.... Today wasn't really a good day....

I may or may not have cried in class today..... Ugh and it was so stupid!!

So I have like extreme body issues ugh! And this kid nick was like grabbing my arm and saying it was squishy, as he always does..... So then somehow this kid Perry was talking about this one girl and saying how unhealthily skinny se was! So this dude Charles says that's disgusting. So I tell him to not body shame people, because you don't control how your body is. And he's like actually you do, and I was talking about anorexia.

And I'm already upset cause body shaming, and now Shamir something you can't control???? So I'm like you can't control a mental disorder!! So he's all like therapy!! And I'm like it's not that easy!! But they're all ganging up on me saying it is and just ugh!! And then he said the thing that just.....

Charles turned to me and says you act like you have experience, when you obviously never had anorexia... And turned away laughing.... And Perry and nick laugh too and I just.... I felt so ashamed of myself and my body and I just! So now I'm blinking back tears, trying not to cry.

I grab my phone to distract myself, make myself happy ya know? But then nick grabs my phone and locks it.... And I'm like asking him for it back over and over again, but then Charles takes it! And I can't ask for it back because if I do I will cry.... So I just make grabbing motions, but he just laughs and copies me.... So I weakly ask for it and my voice is all shaking and I just ugh!! But then it unlocks and he locks it again so now it's 5 mins and just.... He hands it back and I kinda awkwardly cry..... And they just don't care.... They just.....

So now I'm shaking and I don't have anything to distract me with.... And now I was crying.... So I wipe away my tears and just kinda sniffle for the rest of the time. Luckily I had a book so I like burry myself in my bookbag and read for 5 mins, while Nicholas just keeps on kicking my desk, which makes me kinda lowkey cry again.....

And just I can't believe I actually cried....... And just, I feel so awful and insecure and just! What do they gain from making people feel like crap?? I was kinda feeling myself today and then that happens..... Thanks.