Unexpected Arrival 2: The Sequel (August Alsina Story)

He's Gone.

Photo may be disturbing

Chanel........,

Weak.

I felt weak, sad, embarrassed, hurt, stupid, way more depressed, but even more pain.

There were no words to explain this kind of sadness. None.

The only way to break it down to me was for the doctor to say. ... "Mrs. Alsina, we are so sorry. Aaron has gone to heaven."

My heart stopped.

I stared at my feet and tears found their way out. August stood there shocked and hurt. His eyes watered. I couldn't look at him.

I remember my exact words to him like it was a minute ago.

"I'm so sorry August. I had one simple job to do. To just carry him until February and I couldn't do it."

"Chanel it's not your fault."

I kept staring at him. My lip began trembling. My sister tried to touch me. Chris and August tried to comfort me. Trey tried to get me to stop crying and cheer me up.

But,..... nothing hurt more than the loss of a child.

"All I had to do was carry him out for four more months." I held myself and stared at the wall dissapointed in my self and in my body.

August sighed. "Stop saying that. It wasn't your fault." He wiped his tears.

"Don't lie to me." I sighed and laughed sadly to myself.

His hand tried to touch my back in comfort but I pushed him away. I knew he was just as hurt as I was.

But look at it this way. When I went I have no one's shoulder to cry on and he had Amaya. He had someone to aid his hurt, I did not.

I cried harder at the thought if going home alone, being alone for all of this.

I miscarried my son and I took his life.

His short lived life.

I remember the Doctors telling me he was gone. That they had to remove him before he rotted inside of me. That the little heart inside me was no longer beating.

It broke me.

"We have to remove him now." I looked at my doctor with a pained expression.

"I pushed out all my other children. I want to push him out." My voice shook terribly.

I remember it clearly

"Push!"

I cried and pushed, there was no pain like a normal pregnancy.

"Push!"

You just had to keep pushing.

"One more time baby girl. PUSH!"

Until it fell out. Bloody, tiny, a little red human being with a short lived life.

This moment. It broke me. Seeing the son I could've had four months later.

They handed me the little baby the size of my hand, his skin had yet to grow. It was translucent. I could see the formation of his beautiful body. All that needed to grow was his body and his skin. Why couldn't heaven wait?

Today, I get out of the hospital.

Today, I relive the pain.

Today, I go home to a pool of blood.

Today, I go home with no baby.

It hurt.

It hurt so damn much.

August watched me as we pulled up in front of my house. I watched the front door and stared at my hands while rears began to fall.

"Thank you for the ride." I quickly got out the car, not caring that I was in terrible pain.

I slowly walked up to the door. I dreaded it, dreaded going back inside and remembering the life that was in me had truly dissapeared.

My tears fell faster as I walked up the stairs and opened the door. It reeked of blood. My room still had the sheets on there.

I walked in there and immediately dropped to my knees. My heart hurt, so much.

There were no pieces to fix it anymore. They all just burnt to ashes that were blown away by the first breath Aaron could've taken.

I bawled loudly. I let it all out and I sat there on the floor until my eyes couldn't produce anymore tears

It didn't take time for me to take a shower to try to wash the pain away. My hair got wet and frizzed up.

I pulled it into a simple puffy ponytail In the back of my head. I didn't have a care in the world right now.

I walked out the shower with a slightly flat stomach. Another reminder that he wasn't in there.

I stood in front of the mirror and touched my stomach. I didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, be near anyone unless I was pregnant again.

I walked in the darkness of my basement and desperately walked in search of my studio.

As my fingers touched the Ivory keys of the black grand piano a slow, haunting and broken but beautiful melody sounded. My voice matched the melody and I sang along with it.

"I fought for you
The hardest, it made me the strongest.
So tell me your secrets
I just can't stand to see you leaving.

But heaven couldn't wait for you.
No, heaven couldn't wait for you.
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No, heaven couldn't wait for you so, go on go homeeee....

We laughed at the darkenss, so scared that we lost it.
We stood on the ceilings ...you showed me love was all you needed

But heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you...
Oh, heaven couldn't wait for you.
No, heaven couldn't wait for you, youu, youuu, youuuu ooooh

No, Heaven couldn't wait for you.
Noooo, heaven couldn't wait for youuuuu
Noooo, heaven couldn't wait for you
Nooo, heaven wait for you

So go on, go home eee eee....home uhhh home.

So go on go home."

I cried hard as the song I made up at the top of my head finished.

When I opened my eyes I couldn't believe my self. The song was a beautiful, sad, melody. The first time I've ever made one.

At the top of the page of lyrics and piano notes I wrote down "Heaven, Aaron Khamali Alsina."

That song was all I had left for him. All that had left from my heart.

I was officially broken. He's Gone.

Aaron Khamali Alsina
09~19~2020