Secrets.

35.the dream

Gerards p.o.v

I stormed out the hospital. And I headed to ryan's. Wasn't the smartest choice. Finding out the boy you love doesn't remember you. At all. Or that one really amazing kisses we shared. But the second kiss we has led to this so I think it's best if I just stay away from him. Right now I'm laying in ryan's bed while he sleeps cuddled into me and my arm around him. How could a innocent boy like him be capable of beating frank up? I look up at the ceiling.

Why do I always fuck everything up? My parents never came back from their trip because of me. That's what my mother told me. She called me and said.

"Your a disgrace to our family so is your little brother. We want nothing to do with you two. Good luck living on your own faggot." That was the last contact I had with my family. Since then I was 15 mikey was 12. I got a job and we scrapped by. I got a job and mikey got one too. But when I turned six teen my boss hired me at the comic book store. He always paid me more after I told him my problem. He knew how bad the system was so he helped us. He still is. I worked every day after school till 1 in the morning. Then week ends open to close. But then when mike turned 14 he got a job at the café. He worked as hard as me but we still kept up on school. We're both honor rolls and have high hopes for getting scholarships. I want to go to NYU and mikey has been offered a summer program with Harvard. He doesn't know it yet I haven't told him. But he's so talented. Mikey is a great worker so he always gets tips. That what we live off of. A good night 45-78 dollars a crappy night 23-34 dollars. It's better than nothing. But lately our bills have been less than usual. So we always have extra money. I don't remember asking for bill reductions. Bit they just started. But I'm able to put away money for mikey. Then he met frank. Well they officially became friends. But he's been obsessed with Frankie since grade one. I've been going to school with frank since I could remember in three years older. Mikey's was always talking about frank and how perfect he is and how in love he was with him. But it dyed down after eighth grade. The reason I kissed frank. I'm attracted to him. I thought mikey was over him. I'm so stupid he still hasn't forgiven me. But that night when frank met that stupid big for headed retard. (I love you Brendan but hey look! Gerard has the same thoughts as you guys on the whole frank and Brendan thing!)

But God dammit why does that guy have to be so like able? U wouldn't have punch him but deep down this isn't his fault it's mine fore letting frank slip through my fingers. And now mikey is dating pete and he's in love I know it. Sure I'm using Ryan and he thinks I love him when I don't. He's a good fuck but that's it. He's too naive to realize it and he's gonna get hurt. I can't do anything to stop it. I'm gonna break up with him at some point. It's inviolable. I feel like a sick human being. I shouldn't be alive. I've fucked up every relationship. I've fucked up me and my little brothers relationship. Mine and brendans. Mine and Frankie's everything. I eventually find sleep.

Franks p.o.v ( dream.)

.

~

"Gerard I have to go work don't fuck up the house." Mikey yells.

"Shut up." Gerard says he's sitting next to me in the living room. I hear the door close and I go into panic mode. Ugh. Why do I have to be attracted to him? "Hey Frankie?" Gerard asks.

"yeah?" i ask looking anywhere but his bare and slightly muscular chest. O get up and try to walk away

"do you think i look good without a shirt?" he asks tauntingly and seductively.

"um yeah i guess you do i dunno." i say while looking down i feel arms on my hips i stop breathing.

"you guess i do. why are you so nervous frank" gerard ask and i feel his breath on my neck.

"i um." i can't get anything out. why does he make me this nervous he shouldn't but then again he's standing so close to me with no shirt on and pants that basically hanging off his hips. i hear a growl.

"well frankie why are you?" he asks this time his lips lightly brushing on my neck i could literally fall right now but i shouldn't. it'd hurt like a bitch. i open my mouth to say something but he kisses me putting his tongue in my mouth. id like his tongue to be somewhere else. WHAT!? did i just think that jesus. i kiss back a bit.

"gerard stop it!" mikey yells. and gerard pulls away.

"what mikey does this make you uncomfortable? i've done it so many times right in this kitchen with girls." gerard say

~

I sit up in a sweat and tears pricking my eyes.

Gerard.

Who is he?