Confusing // Ethan Dolan

Chapter thirty-two

warning: SMUT

"What are you thinking about?" I ask Ethan, who seems lost in his thoughts.

"Future."

"Oh." Sooner or later we were going to talk about this... I tried to keep it in the back of my mind, but it always seem to somehow appear. He's leaving to increase his education, of course he is, he should. He has cappacities that not everyone has, and a lot of scholarships offers. Either specialized in football, or more general. There are great opportunities for his future.

"You know, we can't avoid this subject. I'm going to college in almost two months now. What are we going to do?" He says.

"Nothing...? We can't do anything about it. I mean, you want to leave the state, and of course I support your decision." I go on, "but I still want to be with you. That's not what you want, is it?"

"Are you fucking insane? That's everything I want, baby." He kisses my forehead and pulls me into his chest. These little things that he does make me so happy, he doesn't notice the little things he does, but I do.

"I don't know, maybe-" I start.

"Don't go on, please. I don't understand why would you ever think I wouldn't want to be with you. You're everything, literally, everything I have and everything that matters to me. I don't know how I'm going to stand being away from you for a year, but we agreed on going to the same college, didn't we?"

He's right, we did. But I'm still not sure what the future holds for me. I'd love to be close to him once I finish high school, otherwise I don't know how our relationship could work. But still, I'm not sure if he's up to the same things that I am. Or maybe, if I'm up to the same things that he is.

Perhaps I'd like to get out of my comfort zone. My whole life was always planned by my parents, I feel pretty independent myself, but a part of me also, doesn't. Ever since I have memory, my destiny was always depending on which part of the world we were going to move... I never got to connect with those places I lived in, which is a shame. Therefore, I'd like to get to know other cultures... Europe, Africa, Asia. There are many options in my mind, but also, very little chances of that ever happening.

Yet, on the other hand, financial engineering was and is what I always expected as my future. All what I put an effort in my life was for me to devote to it. And now I don't know if I want to continue doing so...

"Yeah, we agreed." I answer Ethan's words.

It's not time for me to start ruining everything, and talk about my future decisions, which the only thing they do is confuse me. And of course, ruin things, moments, like this one.

"I'm confused too."

I look up at him.

How does he know what I was thinking?

"I just know you too well, Malena. I notice how nervous you get when your parents, my parents, teachers, your friends, and even me, mention your future. Baby, you have to do what makes you happy, whatever that is. Don't listen to anyone else other than you, even if it's me, okay?"

I nod my head and smile at him. He's such a beautiful person. I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with him.

Something about knowing him so well like I do, makes me feel special. He doesn't show his soft side to almost anyone. If people actually got to know what the real him is like, they would be very surprised.