Confusing // Ethan Dolan

Chapter twenty-seven

Today is friday.

It's been seven days since Ethan and I broke up. Seven days. It seems so much more.

The seven days more empty of my life. It's official, I've been seven days in hell.

I don't want to believe that we spent this time without talking to each other. I don't want to believe that we're not together anymore, that it doesn't exist an "us" anymore. But I have to.

I never would've imagine that I'll met a boy who quickly would become my entire world. And just like that... he would trash my heart into pieces.

Memories from last friday come to my mind.

"I forgive you, but I don't think I can be with you now." I say and his smile fades away.

"What?" He says with sadness in his eyes, in his voice.

"I don't think I can trust you after tonight. Even if I don't want to do it, I need to. I can't do that to myself, not even to you!"

"But... I love you. Please, give me a chance to show you that you can trust me." I see his eyes starting to water.

"I love you too, more than you could possibly imagine. And that's why I need to let you go. If I can't trust you, why are we even going to be together? I can't lie to you. I love you, but trust is also important to me." I feel my eyes also starting to water.

"I'm sorry. For kissing her and for making you loose your trust. I'm really sorry, but if I can do anything. And I mean, anything, to show you that you can trust me, I'll do it. Please, just give me a chance."

"I can't. I'm scared," I begin to cry, "I can't give you a chance for me to trust you and make like nothing happened and be together again. I forgive you, but I can't just do that. It's hard for me."

"It's hard for me too, you know... I love you." He stares at the floor and I see a few tears leaving his eyes.

"Do you really love or was I another way to forget about Madison?" I snap.

"Are you kidding me? Tell me this is a joke. Of course I love you. Fuck, Malena! I love you so fucking much. Don't you dare ever again to tell me something like that. What I felt for Madison was totally different to what I feel for you!"

"Okay. Your story made think things twice and maybe... I don't know. Your feelings for her seemed stronger."

"They aren't and they weren't. You changed my life in the best way it could possibly have been changed. I love you."

"I have to go now."

"Let me take you home," he looks at me "please?"

"I don't think it's a good idea. I'll call Noah. Goodbye, Ethan."

I leave but I'm certain he called after me right when I left the bathroom. I'm going to miss him.

I wipe away some tears I have underneath my eyes. He makes me so emotional.

This week I wasn't hungry at all, I didn't have the energy to talk to anyone. Not even my parents, nor my friends.