Room 101

Stop blaming yourself

CHAPTER 17

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF

SEANS POV

We've been looking for Hannah for a whole 24 hours straight now and we haven't even stopped yet. But I don't want to stop, what I want and need is to find her, with her not here I feel lost and alone, it's like she's took a bit of my heart with her and it won't ever return until I know she's safe again. But as I could see we all were getting tired, who wouldn't be we've begin walking for a whole day and we were all worried sick. I mean, she could be dead. No don't think like that, don't give up hope. I had to believe I could find her and hope was the only thing any of us had left. However every time I glanced a look at Sarah, who was walking hand in hand with Jason I could see guilt in her eyes and I could tell she blames herself for everything. Jason had carried her for about an hour because she was in shock, wouldn't talk or walk, it was as if she had just closed up her mind and wanted to forget everything. I remember when Sarah just sort of woke up from her trance and shouted at Jason.

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Flashback

"PUT ME DOWN" he looked at me unsure of her sudden outburst and wondering if he should let her down. I just shrugged my shoulders at him.

"Please put me down," she told Jason in a much more scared and quite tone.

"Are you sure sweetie?" because I could tell Jason was sure it wasn't a very good idea.

"Please," she gave him a pleading look.

"Ok," he settled her to her feet but kept hold of her hand.

"Is this ok?" he gestured to their hands. And Sarah just nodded her head.

End of flashback

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They have been holding hands every since. It was sweet and I think it was the only thing stopping Sarah from having a breakdown.

In a way its crazy how we've become so close in a short amount of time. Ben and Jason are like brothers to me and then Sarah is like my little sister, we are just like a family. Of course Hannah fitted in to the family too but she didn't feel like a sister to me, no she feel more like a girlfriend, I just loved her so much. And I could tell the rest of them did too but not in the same way of course, Ben and Jason are like her protective big brothers and to Sarah she was like the sister she never had, and without her our family was incomplete.

"I think we need to rest for a bit," Ben pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah we're all tired," Jason agreed with Ben.

"But we have to find Hannah," I argued.

"Yeah we do, and we're not giving up Sean but we'll be no help to Hannah if we can't even stand on our feet," Ben told me and he did have a point there, why did this guy always have to make sense?

"Fine I guess you're right," I agreed.

"Ok, where should we set up camp," Jason asked, I looked around to found a spot but all there was, was the forest we've been walking in for all these hours.

"Well I guess here will have to go good enough, I mean we have been walking for hours and the scenery hasn't change so I guess this will do."

"Yeah ok, and why don't we all collect the wood together now so no one else gets...lost," I could tell Ben was thinking more of the words 'taken' or 'hurt' but he chose to say 'lost' it just sound nicer.

However as soon as he said that, Sarah started crying.

"Oh, Sarah it's ok," Jason comforted her.

"I'm sorry I said that, and it's not your fault Sarah so don't you even start thinking that," Ben told her.

"But it is-"Jason cut her off.

"Don't you even say it ok, it wasn't your fault end of. Why don't we just get the...what we need and then get some beauty sleep, yeah?" Jason suggested.

"Yeah I like the sound of that," Ben agreed.

"Me too," I agreed too. We all turned to Sarah and she just merely nodded her head.

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We were all now settled around the lovely warm fire that lit up the whole part of the forest we were in. Ben and Jason had already fallen asleep which just left me and Sarah. She was just staring of in to the space in front of her. I felt so sorry for her because I know exactly what she was going through, hell we were both going though the same thing, but poor Sarah couldn't stop blaming herself for what happened, no matter how many times we would tell her it wasn't her fault she would just not believe us.

"Sarah," I whispered to her and she looked up at me.

"Yeah," she mumbled back.

"Can I tell you something," she just looked at me and nodded her head, so I took that as a yes.

"Right good, now I don't want you to but in ok? Just let me say what I have to say."

"Yeah," she mumbled again, at least that was something.

"I know you feel responsible for what happed to Hannah-"I was cut off by her crying.

"Come here Sarah," I said opening my arms, she froze of a second but then went into my arms

winningly. I held her tight for support too and then she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Shh, it's ok," I comforted her. When her tears slowed down I carried on.

"I wanted to tell you that I don't blame you and never will Sarah. You did what Hannah told you to do and you and I both know that when she wants something she never backs down," she nodded.

"But it was still-"I cut her off. I knew exactly what she was going to say.

"oi, what did I say about butting in. And I don't want you to be saying that again because the truth is it's not your fault, the only persons fault it really is, is the wolf that attacked her," I felt Sarah shake; I held her tighter silently letting her know it's ok.

"And do you really think Hannah would have wanted you to feel like this and keep thinking this? No. she wouldn't. She would want you to be happy and not feel bad for what happened. Neither of you could have known what was going to happen; it was just a horrible accident. And you are not going to be able to help Hannah feeling like this. Also when we find her, which is going to happen, she is going to want you there too. So you need to stay strong and stop blaming yourself for what happened to her. Can you do that Sarah?" she just looked at me taking it all in.

"I guess you're right, she wouldn't want me thinking like this, it's just the way she is. But the thing is Sean she hardly cares about herself; I mean all she was worried about was how to get me out safe, not herself. She is so loving and caring and I miss her so much...so much," she whispered the last bit.

"I miss her too Sarah, I miss her too," and I truly did, we both did and we could only hope we would see her soon.

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this chapter was very short but I think it was needed to see how the others were doing and feeling

holly.....................XD