SLASHER! Episode 1-"Don't Hold Your Breath"

Scene 1

(The episode opens up on a boy and a girl in a car, making out.)

Boy: Are you sure you want to...you know...

Girl: I'm sure. I'm ready. I'm horny.

(Boy and girl continues to make out and then the girl suggestively slides down the boy's body.)

Boy: Oh....that's what you want to do?

Girl (seductively): I may be a virgin...but I know a thing or two.

(Girl begins to go down on boy. Boy enjoys it...very much. Suddenly, a shadow lurks by. It causes the girl to sit up.)

Girl: What was that? Did you see that?

Boy: No. I was too busy enjoying...

(Girl playfully slaps boy on the arm.)

Girl: I'm serious. I'm getting scared.

Boy: Hey, babe...No worries. I'm right here. I'll protect you. In the meantime....why don't you...finish what you started?

Girl (seductively): Gladly...

(Girl continues doing what she was doing to the boy. Suddenly, the shadow returns. It is revealed to be a masked slasher. The killer knocks on the window.)

Boy: What?!?! Can't you see we're busy here?

(The girl sits up as the boy turns around.)

Girl: Oh...my...God...

(The killer raises up a knife. The boy and girl scream at the top of their lungs as the knife comes into contact with the window. Hilariously, the entire thing is revealed to be a movie titled Blood, Sex, and More Blood. A group of teenage girls are watching it at a sleepover.)

Sara: Eeewww. What the hell is that?

Sydney (sarcastically): The 90s at its best...

Maria: I mean. Just look at the title, for Christ's sake. Blood, Sex, and More Blood?

Britney: I have no idea if it's a horror film or a B-movie spoof porno.

Sydney: I know right! It's like every classic horror movie from the 80s and 90s had the same endless amount of clichés.

Sara: Yep. They all start out with a scene of a big-boobed blonde slut taking a shower or something like that. Then she gets out and gets a mysterious phone call.

Maria: Yeah. Then the killer starts talking to her about well-known horror movies and pokes fun at the clichés. Then he says something weird like "I love the color of your dress" or "You might wanna check on your popcorn before it burns".

Britney: Then she starts freaking out and screaming at the top of her lungs. "Oh my God! Where are you?! Stay away from me! My boyfriend's coming and he'll kick your ass!"

Sara: Then he says something like (in a creepy voice) "Sweetie, he didn't put up much of a fight". And bam! Pops out from out of the closet.

Sydney: And then she runs away, screaming. "Aaaaaah!" He chases her, she hides, she thinks he's gone, but then bam! He pops up again. And it goes on and on for about 5 minutes until she meets her sudden and bloody death.

Maria: Then it turns out to have been some sexually repressed freak or a jilted ex-lover. Same bullshit over and over again and they put it out year after year and we still go out in droves to see it.

Sydney: I don't even get scared.

Sara: Really? Not one bit.

Sydney: Nope.