Leonard: Poor Britney. She was hot. It's always the hot ones that die young.
Martin: She was 14.
Leonard: Like she hasn't sucked off half of the guys at this party already.
(Stevie Wonder's Living For The City begins to play.)
Martin (in voice-over): Have you ever wondered how in the hell you ended up in a place that you feel like you don't belong? Like Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz? Oh, wait. That made me sound gay. Not that I have a problem with the gays. Just forget I said that at all. That's how I feel being popular. I have no idea how I ended up being popular. I guess it's because I'm nice and according to some people, ruggedly handsome. I have no idea what that means but I assume it's a good thing. But I'm not like all the other popular kids. My parents divorced. They fought for custody over me. In the end, they decided to go for joint custody but they basically had no choice. My family was broke enough as it is. Add in the court and lawyers fees and we were knee deep in bills. So...my parents decided to continue living together. Like the Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn movie. But it hasn't been smooth sailing...by far.
(Martin enters his home, just in time for dinner.)
Martin: Hey.
Daphne: How was school?
Martin: It was ok. Easier than I expected.
Steve: I would expect so. Given that this is your second go round at this.
Daphne: Steve!
Steve: Don't condemn me. I'm not the one that's as dumb as a bag of rocks. He must get it from your side of the family.
Daphne: I can't believe you right now. This from the guy whose IQ is equivalent to a stick of gum. And at least he's trying. You were able to vote before you got out of high school. And they just let your ass graduate so you can get out of there.
Steve: And that wouldn't have happened if my dad wasn't on my ass like I am now with Martin.
Daphne: Well, he got a lot of practice considering he had another family.
Steve: That's it! I'm tired of you sticking your nose up at me and my family. You came from a trailer park!
Daphne: For the last time, it's mobile residence!
Steve: It's a fucking tin can on wheels.
(As the two of them continue arguing, Martin leaves the table, goes up to his room, and slams the door.)
Martin (in voice-over): I'm so fucking sick of this shit. All they do is argue like a bunch of politicians. I can't wait to get out of here. I'm gonna go far away and never look back. I'm gonna go to a good college, get an athletic scholarship, join the NFL, and make millions of dollars. And because I have a big heart, I'd pay my parents' bills. At least that'll be one less thing they'd argue over.
(...)
(Suddenly, Piper walks up to Martin and Leonard.)
Piper: Hi, Martin...
Martin: Piper...
(They look at each other sensually. Leonard catches this.)
Leonard (slyly): Well...I know what you did last summer.
Piper: If you don't mind, Bicurious George, I'd like a moment alone with Martin.
Leonard: Oh my God...It was one time, I was drunk, and I thought we'd never speak of that again.
Piper: Please. My grandfather's spine is straighter than your sexuality...and he had polio. Now if you'll excuse me....
(Piper slams the door in Leonard's face.)
Martin (outside the door): Bitch.
Piper: I heard that. And thank you!
(Piper stares sensually at Martin.)
Martin: What do you want?
Piper: A sex sandwich....
(Piper inches in closer to Martin and grabs him by his shirt.)
Piper: But hold the mayo, please, if you know what I meant. I want to at least make it out of puberty before I end up pregnant.
Martin: Piper...
Piper: Just shut up and fuck me...
(Piper and Martin begin to heavily make out. They start taking each other's clothes off and get in the bed.)
Martin: Wait. You can't keep doing this to me. I'm not some piece of meat you can play with when you're bored.
Piper: Did you grow a vagina over the summer?
Martin: Piper...
Piper: Look, Mr. Steel Magnolia. I just want to have sex. That's all.
Martin: But you broke up with me. Twice.
Piper: And now I'm back.
Martin: But you're confusing me. Do you want to be with me or not?
Piper: Save the melodrama. This isn't a romcom. We can chat about that later.
(Piper and Martin continue kissing, caressing, and taking each other's clothes off. As they do, a mysterious shadow lurks in the darkness.)
(Commercial Break)
YOU ARE READING
SLASHER! Episode 1-"Don't Hold Your Breath"
HorrorA Northeastern town gets bombarded with the resurgence of an early 1980s serial killer, much to the surprise of the townsfolk as the original culprit is currently on Death Row for his monstrous crimes.
