a/n: kind of focused on jungkook and also the spacing is weird ?? it won't work ???
When he finally decided he'd had enough of watching Jimin so close to Kellen, Jungkook was mentally preparing his farewells. It took a lot of planning, a lot of changing his mind, and a lot of courage to simply say, "I've got to go." But he managed to do that quickly.
Kellen nodded slowly and stood up, "I'll walk you to the door, okay?" she smiled.
Jungkook didn't respond, but when they got down to the bottom of the steps, he couldn't help himself. "You like Jimin don't you?" he blurted out quickly. Nervously, the boy tugged his sleeves down further and stepped away from Kellen, trying to force a smile. He didn't want to ask that, it just came out. But Kellen simply rolled her eyes, thinking he was joking.
"Yeah, I like him." she grinned. "Anyway, I'm sorry about earlier. I just need time to think...you know? This is all happening pretty quickly."
"Y-you like...?" Jungkook stopped himself. "Uh, yeah, I know. I'm sorry." he mumbled.
Kellen awkwardly shuffled towards the door and grabbed the door knob. "It's my fault; I kinda initiated this whole thing, didn't I?" she opened the door and watched Jungkook step out of the house. "Thanks for coming over, Kookie."
"Yeah. Goodnight." Jungkook slowly walked away from the house, only turning back when he heard the door close. "Of course she likes Jimin." he whispered to himself. "How could she not? He's so much better than me." Jungkook mumbled insults to himself as he headed home.
Even as he lay in his bed, the only thing running through his mind, was what Kellen and Jimin were doing. As much as he tried to not think about it, that's all that would fill his thoughts. He wondered if they were falling in love, or if they ever thought about each other the way Jungkook thought of Kellen. He wanted to know if Jimin knew how much Kellen loved writing, or if he knew how beautiful her mind was. He wanted to know if Kellen opened herself up to him like she did with Jungkook. It frustrated him to not know what was going on.
It was soon 2AM, which wasn't very late for Jungkook. But he lay in the same position as before, thinking and sometimes letting tears fall as he thought about how Kellen didn't want him. He picked out his flaws and tried to pinpoint which part of himself that Kellen didn't like the most. There was so much going on in his brain, that he eventually just broke down.
-
As Jungkook finished cleaning up whatever blood managed to drip from his wrist, he leaned against the bathroom counter.
"Why am I like this?" he asked himself. Tears stung the back of his eyes, but he didn't want to cry. He hated crying. The skin around his eyes was pink and raw from how much and how often he shed tears. "Even crying is becoming a chore." he laughed dryly, pressing his palms onto his closed eyes.
Had Jungkook not misinterpreted Kellen's joke about liking Jimin, there would be no bloody mess for him to clean up, and no tears to irritate the skin surrounding his eyes. But Jungkook was too sensitive to understand that. Which is why he became the way that he is in the first place. His heart is simply too big for his body.
a/n: it's so fucking hard to find good pics of emo jungkook. and also this is a really bad filler i'm sorry i just wanted to upload somethinf
