I feel numb
I feel numb in this kingdom
I feel numb
I feel numb in this kingdom
.
Three
"Jungkook, stop that."
"I can't help it, it just happens."
"People will see you and think negatively. You look like a lunatic doing that."
"I'm sorry, mom."
"Just pay attention to what you're doing."
Jungkook exhaled deeply to keep calm. His mother had been bossing him around and pointing out things about him ever since he got back from the hospital. It took two months in that place for him to open up to people completely, and one month for him to be released. Now, he wished he were back there.
His mother made an annoyed sound and stood up from her seat at the table. "I'm going to go to the casino for a while-"
"Please don't tell me you started gambling again."
"No, Jungkook. That's none of your business. But anyway, I'll be gone for a few hours. Please do not leave the house. I'll leave some money for pizza."
"You're leaving now? It's only 4PM." Jungkook waited for his mom to reply, but she just walked to her room and locked herself in it.
Jungkook felt lonely at the sudden silence of the room. He sat in the same spot for a few minutes, then stood up and walked into the kitchen. He saw his phone sitting on the counter, and barely remembered he had one. It had been so long since he had access to any electronics, that he learned to live without them.
He turned it on, and stared at his lockscreen wallpaper until the screen turned black.
"Oh...Kellen." he mumbled.
What surprised him was that he didn't feel anything when he looked at her. His heart didn't hurt, or race, and his stomach didn't knot up. He just felt numb.
.
Kellen smiled at Jimin and Taehyung. They were all sitting in her backyard on the grass, listening to music. Jimin was leaning against Taehyung's chest, and they were lost in their own world.
She was happy for them, she really was, but it made her feel lonely whenever they would be affectionate in front of her. And without the heart to do it, she never told them how she felt about it. To her, their happiness was worth more than her feelings.
"Don't do that..." Jimin complained, pushing Taehyung's hands away from his torso.
Taehyung teased him for being so shy, and Kellen just laid on her back and tried to block out their affectionate words. She stared at the sky and let herself get lost in the lyrics of the song that was playing.
And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.
She closed her eyes and breathed out through her nose. It was hard to get over Jungkook, but she felt that she slowly was. He never came back- he wasn't there to make her depressed. He wasn't there to keep her in that constant cycle of not being able to have something that was right in front of her.
For the first few weeks, she was convinced that he'd killed himself. But that didn't make sense, so she just decided he ran away. It made her feel better, and eventually she forgot about him. She started focusing on herself more, with only the occasional thought of Jeon Jungkook. And she liked that better than when she saw him constantly and felt so upset that her heart broke each time.
To her, it was better that they weren't around each other. It made it easier for her to cope with everything, and she felt that she could look into herself more. And she realized that they weren't good for each other anymore.
Finally deciding on what was right, Kellen chose to move on. She chose to forget about Jeon Jungkook, and continue her life without him. She reached over to grab her phone, and composed a new message that she would send him.
Jungkook, we've struggled for so long. We've worked through things and almost always succeeded in patching things up. But when did you start to feel sad? We were in a relationship, and you weren't happy. Doesn't that seem strange? I mean, I love you. I will always love you and always care about you. You were my world at one point. But I feel like if I couldn't make you happy before, I can never make you happy. So what I want you to do, is find somebody who can. Find a nice person to care about you, make you happy, and love you in ways that I couldn't. Find someone who understands you in the few ways that I couldn't. Just be happy. I love you, I love your eyes, I love your nose, I love your cheeks and your smile. I love your collarbones, I love your tummy. I love everything about you. But we can't be in love anymore. Wherever you are, if you're reading this, I just want you to be happy.
Kellen felt slightly nervous as she sent the message. She just stared at the message until it delivered, and turned her phone off. Then she felt empty.
a/n: i didn't edit this at all, i'm sorry
