You were mine once

Running Chapter 15

How is it that i still have these feelings. Fuck, I still have the same feeling of something killing me inside every time I think of you. I dread the 2015-2016 new year because everyone i was with was is now gone from my life. My beloved best friend and I don't speak anymore and only conflict has arose when around her. And my crush of the night. The guy that I fell for in to a pit of snakes. I just want him in my life again. But he's with another girl and I am with another boy but I cant help but feel this soft part in my whole body that urges to be full again because he is my everything and I am his nothing. So here I stay latching on to hopeless day dreams of us becoming what we once were. I just want to move on but its not a choice. Its a time process and its taken to long. And the fireworks that shot last New Years were the blasts of my heart falling in your arms. Every single light that shot up into the sky was my butterflies that flew in my stomach every time I thought of you. I can only see it one way in a way that I can understand. The guy I am with now is truly showing all these signs of what I felt like when he tells me how he thinks about me non-stop and how he tells me he loves but see I also felt that same way with my ex. I wish I could feel that same way but its impossible for me to move on and I'm sorry. I cant help but search other people for help but they all betrayed me. My best friend is gone. My love is gone and I want to feel again. A sense of someone wanting me.