Beg ✟ h.s. au (M)

t h i r t y - s e v e n

                  

"Hearts are breakable. And I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before."

Trouble x Coldplay

Stella's pov

Time seemed to stop. Everything around me crumbling, only now halted as I was able to look into the cracks. Where it all fell through, where it was all lost within a matter of seconds. It was never supposed to end up like this. I was never supposed to get this invested, and I was never supposed to fall so hard. I should have never stumbled into his life because all I have ever done in my own is fuck everything up. Why I decided to bring that upon his life was beyond me, but the damage was done. I had only one option as of now, and all I could hope for was forgiveness. Understanding. Him.

I rarely cried, but the tears felt so steady, but the act of crying so far from my mind. They seemed to want to be released as my mind was focused on anything but. I could hear the few people around us as our encounter had been more than vocal, but they weren't important to me.  And although it broke my heart to see him in such a furious pain, he was still the center of my attention. He always was, always would be.

My mind tried to rationalize some sort of explanation. Some way to tell him all that he meant to me. Tell him of all the stupid actions I took. Tell him how lost I was. How scared. Anything.

"I-I, I'm so sorry Harry," was all that managed to leave my quivering lips. I could tell that there was some hope within his eyes. A hope that Brett was sparking some sort of false accusation. A hope that he was just overreacting, but I was caught red-handed and I couldn't lie to him anymore. And so once those words left my mouth I could visibly see his fury diminish, and his pain only amplify.

"Just tell me what you did Stella. Tell me the truth," he spoke still so forcefully, but so broken. I can't believe I actually broke him.

I took in a deep breath as I looked away from his sad eyes, the green now filled with a dull grey. I couldn't bear to look any longer. I didn't know how to start, or I didn't want to. "I- I just... I don't know where to start," I muffled out at I tightly wound my eyes together, my voice hiccupping every so often.

I wonder if it hurt him to see me like this, just as much as it hurt to see him this way.

"It can't be that hard Stella, start from the beginning." I could feel his stare so intense on me. My hazy eyes focused on the patterns within the tiled floors beneath me. My mind focused on him. My heart focused on mending itself. So much focus, and yet I felt so fucking lost. "What was the first lie, hm?" He asked with sarcastic, sad humor. "Was it when you confided in me Stella? Was it when you laid in my arms and told me how important I was to you? Or was it when you told me how you didn't want lose me? How you claimed you were so scared I would find someone better." His voice laced with hurt, but the anger so prominent in his words.

I would be angry too, Harry.

"No, I-"

"Or was it when you were so worried that I made the wrong choice that night? Is that why you were so apprehensive Stella? Because you knew you were lying?"

I couldn't help the pain that amplified in my chest with each word he spoke. None of those were lies, but to him he only saw what he deemed fit. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much I wish I could take this all away. All the pain, all the lies, all the shit. The tears never left my cheeks, leaving them dampened.

"No Harry, I wasn't lying," I speak out with a weak, heartbroken voice. "You don't understand it. You don't get how much you mean to me." My eyes finding his again. My hand trying to reach out for him, but he only moved away from me. As if my touch repulsed him. "Please don't."