Beg ✟ h.s. au (M)

f o u r t y - o n e

"Oh how I longed to be your everything."

If I Could Fly x One Direction
Another's Arms x Coldplay
Long Way Down x One Direction
Camouflage x Selena Gomez

Stella's pov

It's been almost months now since I've last spoken to him. Everything since then had only turned out to be nothing like I had so desperately hoped. They ended up winning the game, and I stood around waiting for him to come over and swoop me up, and tell me that he loved me so....but it never came. Only a pool of disappointment that I had myself to blame for.

I couldn't find it in my heart to hate him for it. For not acknowledging my feelings, because I understand now that it was best for us to move on. And although my heart would never truly let me move on, I hoped his would.

I just want him to be happy.

Walking through these doors was something I would never imagine myself doing in a million years. Not even in my darkest moments had I thought to turn to this as a form of sanctuary. Even after the emotional turmoil my life has pitted against me did I ever think to turn to religion.

But things change. People change.

Change. It's crazy really just how prevalent it is looking back on your past. I mean, I changed so much within the course of a measly six months and yet the transgression into who I am now was almost invisible looking back at it.

Although I willed myself to come to the church in hopes of some guidance, I couldn't exactly handle others being here. And so, here I was as it was nearing 9 on a weekday, walking down the aisle of an empty church. My days consisting of nothing more than time to myself ever since school was let out, and thus graduation. Not that I attended though, I didn't see the point in me going honestly.

I came to a stop as I reached the middle of the aisle, looking around as I took in the beauty of the church. I still felt outcast here. Not that I ever found myself belonging anywhere in this world, but certainly not here.

My eyes land over in the corner, where the confession booth lies, and instantly my heart beat quickens at the memory between those walls.

Maybe confessing to someone other than myself can help me. Well, that's if anything can help me.

Taking a deep breath my body slowly makes its way over to the wooden building. The design really one of pure art that I had never really taken into perspective before. My fingertips trailing the lining before bravely pushing open the door, and sitting myself down upon the bench inside.

I look over through the screen to my left to find the other side empty as it had been. No one else inside the church as I set out for it to be so.

I cleared my throat before I began to speak to something that essentially wasn't there. I felt like I was going crazy, but I need some sort of closure, some sort of guidance and I only hoped this would be it.

"You know, the last time I was in here was," I laughed lightly before quickly clearing my throat, stopping the words from leaving my mouth. "Something that shouldn't be discussed in church. God, I feel so stupid doing this. Oh shit I used your name in vain– you know what let's just start over," I huffed running my hand through my hair in frustration. This was ridiculous. "Anyways, I'm here to honestly find some kind of sanctuary I suppose. I mean, if you look at my past you probably would deem me as the ultimate sinner and damn me straight to hell. And honestly you might not even try and redeem my actions, but I mean I don't know where else to turn.