A bit rubbish (lIKE ME) but who cares
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I always thought about how much I want to go to Brendon and say 'I'm sorry' but of course, he won't let me. I always wanted to be with him, but I just couldn't take everything seriously, I played with him and his precious heart, he trusted me with everything and he even trusted me with his secrets, but I completely collected everything it and threw it into the trash.
He told me, I changed his life, he told me, that I was his everything, he'd even do cheezy moves on me, I appreciate everything he does for this, our 'relationship' has been going on for a few years and I feel guilty already, I didn't cheat on him, I didn't break up with him, I lied to him.
I opened the T.V and was changing channel to channel, I haven't done anything new, I just sleep, eat, bathe and watch, I haven't checked anything on my gadgets as well, I stopped switching when the word 'Brendon Urie' caught me, he was on T.V, interview probably. He's with Dallon and they seem pretty close, I'm not even sure if they're dating, but who am I to care.
"Brendon, one of your fan is asking some tips for love" the interviewer said chuckling a bit, Brendon laughed a bit but I'm here holding back the tears of guilt "Well the only thing I could ever say is, if you love someone, mean it" that hit me hard "Don't say 'I love you' without meaning it, because that makes no sense, why would you choose someone and not mean a thing?, so just mean it, don't lie" the interviewer smiled then carried on, I slammed the remote on the bed, I'm staying on this channel.
"Change the lyrics of This Is Gospel?, easy!" I heard Brendon say, I was under the covers since I feel cold, I stood up to see Brendon getting ready to sing;
'If you love me let me know
If you love me let me know,
Cause' these words are knives that often leave scars
The fear of breaking my heart
And truth be told I never were yours
The fear, the fear of breaking my heart'
those words hit me hard, It's all my fault.
~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~
Brendon was sat down on the couch getting ready to what I was gonna say, I took deep breaths "Bre-Brendon, we've been going out for awhile now" "Yeah, for a couple of years" he said counting on his fingers, I held back the tears because I know this is going to hurt him, Bad.
"Bre-Brendon, the truth is..I never really.." I looked at him, he was just looking at me, innocently confused, I looked down again and started to cry a bit, oh gosh this is hard "I mever really..." "Never really what?.." he said worried.
I just couldn't say it, but I had to "I...never..really..loved..you" I said closing my eyes as the tears slowly drop "Wh-what do you mean?" I look up, time to face reality, Ryan "I mean throughout the years, I never really mean anything I mean yes, you are fun to be with, but the only reason why I said yes to you is because, you just didn't deserve anymore of the stress...I just said yes because you were happy.."
"You..never..meant..a..thing?" he asked slowly, I nodded slowly "Well jolly good show Ryan! jolly good show!, you have won the heartbreaker award and additional, the best lies medal!" we were both crying like mad, but I'm pretty sure he's crying harder "And here I am, thinking that you always loved me!, what a show you put on Ryan! ten outta ten!, gee, aren't I such an idiot!" "Brendon I'm so.." "I can't hear another word from you Ryan, thanks for lying throughout the years!" he said stomping over to the door in tears, opening it and slamming it.
I guess this is xheartbreak
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I shook my head as I thought about what happened, I need to clear up my mind, sort things out, do I love him this time?, I feel so horrible because I have been..developing feelings but it just..ah book it, I'm seeing him.
I bathe and changed my clothes to something more appropriate for the event, I ran outside and made my way to where they were, the interview was over and I recognized the place, so I ran over there, It took me half an hour to get there, I had to take a taxi even.
When I got there, everyone was gone I mean, the fans are still here but they were gone, I ran around getting noticed by some fans but of course, I pushed them back saying my apologies as I do it. I got tired but I gotta find him, even if he doesn't forgive me, I just had to see him again.
I saw a familiar guy and I had to look closer just to make sure, I started to call for him but he didn't even notice me, they started to leave so I, started to run, from turning to a left to a right, I could hear a taxi go off, I ran top speed and watched as the taxi left.
I looked down and whispered 'I'm sorry'. "R-ryan?" a familiar voice said, I looked up and turned to see Brendon looking at me shocked and sad mixed up, I ran up to him and hugged him "Brendon I'm so.." he cut me off again "Sorry? yeah I know, and your probably gonna say I love you and your gonna say you actually mean it this time and you probably think I'll scream things like 'Oh so now you mean it?' blah blah blah" I stayed silent and pulled away.
Suddenly I was pulled into a tight hug "I-I..love you too Ryan" he said, I smiled and started to cry, and hugged back, he looked at me still in tears "Next time..be honest..and..mean it" he said through sniffles, I nodded as I couldn't even speak, he just smiled and cried again pulling me close to him again.
That's where I'll be staying now, close to his heart.
