Kiss me hard before you eat, summertime fatness. I just wanted you to flick vaginas right and left.
Demi woke up as she heard this melody in her ears. She found herself on a sidewalk in Finland, suffering from a major cold. And also a major headache now that she heard "Summertime Fatness {Cédric Garvais Remix} [Extended Version] (feat. Poot Lovato)" by Lana Del Rey.
Demi felt defeated. She felt like there was nothing she could do to stop Poot's global domination. Her album topped the iTunes charts in several countries in less than an hour, including Singapore, Malta, Macau and Uganda, and the streets of Helsinki were invaded by Poot posters and people singing her songs incessantly. Demi was ready to leave Finland to go to some remote Pacific island and stay there for the rest of her life. The shame was just too much to handle.
While she was getting her morning tea, Demi checked the news on her phone. One title captured her attention. It read: "Taylor Swift™ sues Poot Lovato for copyright infringement". She immediately opened the page. "An exclusive HollywoodLife insider has reported to us that Taylor Swit™ has sued Poot Lovato because of the song I Knew You Were Fat, which, according to the singer, sounds too similar to her 2012 smash hit I Knew You Were Trouble. The insider told us exclusively that Poot is going back to America as soon as possible to make Taylor repent."
Demi saw a message on Poot's twitter: "@OfficialPoot: on my way to flick a vagina...". There was no doubt anymore: Poot was going back to America, and she was the one who was going to repent. Demi and Taylor would've sued her together with their infallible team of lawyers, and Poot's fingers couldn't have touched them, or anyone, or anything. Yeah, yeah!
"I used to hate being Poot, but now I've realized it's the best thing ever," Poot said to herself while sipping on her menstrual blood cocktail on her way back to her newly-bought $22.5 million mansion in Beverly Hills. "In two weeks I've become more relevant than my sister has ever been in her 7-year-old career."
Poot opened her door, grabbed her safecraker tools, and walked to Taylor's house just less than a mile away, knowing no one was home since she had a tour going on. She sneaked inside her house, turned on her laptop, and found the folder "1989 Recording Sessions". There were around fourty files in it: the sixteen 1989 tracks, and other unreleased material. Finally, Poot opened Spotify and uploaded all the songs, attaching the following message: "Stream Taylor's entire discography for FREE! Signed: Katy Perry."
Finally, she went inside Taylor's kitchen, grabbed ham, cheese and salad, made herself a sandwich, and ate it while watching the internet meltdown over the leak. "I guess Taylor will have someone more important to sue now," Poot thought to herself with an evil smirk on her face.
Taylor's phone blew up with notifications from her friends and from her label, informing her about what had just happened. Taylor was shocked. She texted her lawyer without thinking twice. "Remove Poot Lovato's lawsuit, call her, and tell her to go flick Katy's vagina. NOW!"
YOU ARE READING
The Secret Life of Poot Lovato
FanfictionShe wasn't born cool for the summer, so they locked her up in the basement thinking she would rot there. How wrong they were when they found out that she lived a secret life down there... and what a life! Oh, I forgot to introduce her to you. Her na...
