The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

SPIRM

Poot was driving alone in her car outside Los Angeles. She was feeling desperately lonely. Jessie and Justin were gone, and she didn't know who to turn to. Demi was too busy promoting her album, and Poot didn't want to annoy her. "Wow, I have no friends," she thought to herself. You're a well-known vagina flicker, Poot. Your wounds are self-inflicted.

But at one point... "This was never the way I planned, not my intention," Katy Perry came on the radio. "I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick..."

"KATY PERRY!" Poot screamed, and abruptly stopped the car, causing crashes and several deaths—but not hers, so we don't really care. "She kissed a girl and she liked it, she likes the V! She is the love of my life, unlike those losers I dated!"

Poot drove to Katy's house at 110 mph, followed by hundreds of police sirens. No one could stop her and her instincts, though. The love of her life was waiting for her. She jumped out of the car, bounced on Katy's roof, broke a window with a kick, and got inside. Katy, who was having a relaxing bath, was shocked.

But instead of calling 911 as she should have, Katy jumped out of the tub and ran away. She didn't go too far: the dimension of her boobs made her stumble and fall on her face, eventually fainting.

"Katy? Are you okay?" Poot said to the still unconscious Unconditionally hitmaker.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Katy let out a loud scream. "Dang, I wish I could do that live," she added.

"You stumbled and I took care of you. We're now bound to stay together, right?"

"Wrong, Poot. I only see you as someone I should avoid. Rihanna is the only girl in the world for me, the only one that can wide awake my lesbian thoughts. I'm pretty straight and I like strange-looking men."

Katy's words hit Poot right in the heart. "B-but... I thought you said you kissed a girl and liked it?"

"Yeah I was just kidding."

"You were appropriating bisexual culture then?"

"No, I..."

"To think that I even bought SPIRM on iTunes! You're such a skank! My bisexual sister Demi will gather you!"

"You only did your ears a favor buying my album and yeah, she definitely will, too bad she can't even get a hit."

"What did you say about my sister?"

"She's a flop."

As if she was one of the boys, Poot slapped Katy in the face and left her fingerprints on her cheek. "No one dares to insult my sister. And I won't slap you harder because you're too hot to be disfigured." Poot had chosen her battles, and she had won the war. Except she was still a lonely loser.

She went visit the openly bisexual Miley Cyrus, and got a no from her, so she ran over her with her 4x4. She tried it with Ariana Grande's brother Frankie, and he dove into the ocean and swam away. She flirted with Shawn Mendes, and he'd rather come out as gay than date her. Poor Poot just couldn't find someone who could handle all her beauty, and those plebeians obviously would never.

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The story's almost over, only a few updates left! I've decided to make a Q&A video and post it right after the final update on YouTube, so please ask me questions and I'll reveal everything you need to know about me, about this story and about Pootrida! :)