The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

Dr. Pootsberger

Poot secretly went back to California dressed up as Max Martin to produce Demi's album Confident. All the tracks had been co-written and recorded, it was just all about polishing the production now.

Poot started working on the title track. She made it sound like the dated band march song that you would only hear in tacky commercials. You know, like that one Jessie J did for Tuc. Then, she edited the beautiful ballad Spoon Cold so that Demi sounded like she was screaming. She got Iggy Azalea to rap on Condom Cum, and attached part of Azalea's hit Black Widow to the the end of the chorus, making the song unlistenable. Finally, she put fart sounds on the bonus track Stars. Poot poot!

The final version of the album was sent to Hollywood Records. Demi's reps were content with the risky production and the edgy sound of the album, so they set a release date for it. The title track, Confident, became the second flop single from the album, blocked by Poot's multi-platinum hits on the charts.

"Max, why is my shit flopping?" Demi asked irritated.

"Because Selena Gomez and Poot Lovato are doing better than you and because no one cares about you trying to be sexy anymore," Poot said, still dressed as Max Martin.

"You like flopping? Go produce Christina Aguilera's album then," Demi concluded and walked away. She had an interview, but she was too irritated to think straight.

"So Demi, what's your favorite dish?" the interviewer asked.

"I like mugs."

"Oh wow... that's unusual, how do you cook them? Steamed, fried or stewed?"

"Usually fried, but I don't mind them roasted either."

"Cool (for the summer). What new experiences did you live during the recording sessions of your new album?"

Demi couldn't think straight. Literally.

"Well, I experimented a lot. You know, sexually. I've become debisexual! By the way, I can make my farts sound like the Cool for the Summer chorus, wanna hear?"

That Demi interview was a complete mess. She was used to being on top, having top ten hits, and acting classy, like a real lady. What was happening to her now? Why couldn't she find Poot and defeat her? That would've been the only way for her to focus on her career.

What Demi didn't know was that Poot was around her all the time. She would just pose as her collaborators, or as her interviewers, or even as her friends... Poot basically had her in control, and she didn't suspect anything.

Poot's intent to destroy Demi's image was clear. One day, she made her drink hot chocolate with laxatives, forcing her to cancel her concert in Spain one day before the show. The Spanish fatties were so outraged that her sales dropped by 98% week-on-week in the country. Her few remaining fans bought multiple copies of Poot's album Vulva for revenge, allowing her to top the charts in yet another country.

Poot snapchatted a video to her fans, saying: "Hey, it's Demi. I have diarrhea, so I won't be able to sing in Madrid tomorrow. I'm terribly sorry... no not really. Buenas noches gorditos!" She smiled wide into the camera and hit send.

Then, she dressed up as a doctor and visited Demi in the other room. "Rest for a week and you'll definitely feel better. Call me anytime you need me!" Dr. Pootsberger said.

"Thank you. Do you want to buy a copy of my album?" Demi asked.

"No. Please rest your voice too, I've heard Spoon Cold. You need it, trust me. Tschüss!"

Demi cried at how miserable her life was, when suddenly someone called her on the phone...