The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

Garlic Pie

Poot was crying on her bed, when suddenly she got a call from her lawyer, Gloria Pitbull.

"Guten Tag, Pootrida. I have to inform you that you've just inherited your mysteriously-deceased ex boyfriend Justin Bieber's house, cars, and royalties."

Poot stopped crying now that she had gotten richer by $200 million. "Excellent," she said.

"Auf wiedersehen Frau," Gloria said and hung up.

Poot went straight to Justin's house. She sold all his cars, gold chains and sperm-impregnated blankets and underwear at an auction and gave all the proceeds to Christina Aguilera to save her career. Poot's heart knows no limits!

She just loved Justin's house. It was so big and full of rooms where she could dance like a forest fairy and no one would see her.

One day, while Poot was cooking garlic pie with mussels and prawns for breakfast, she heard a weird knocking coming from the attic. "Hmm, maybe it's a juicy bird to add to my pie," she thought to herself.

Poot grabbed her bazooka and opened the trapdoor. What she saw was astonishing. She thought she was dreaming for a second. A sweaty guy with fairly red skin, a rare blonde weave and a huge condom on his head was staring at her, chained to a bucket, mumbling incomprehensible words.

The big-hearted girl thought of her basement days and started crying, while the guy was begging her to save him. Poot eventually unchained him, freed him from the condom, and hugged him.

"Who did this? What monster is responsible for this inhumanity?" she cried.

"This is what happens when you're the less talented twin, I guess," he answered.

"Elaborate."

"My mother Pattie trapped me here in 2007, when Justin started becoming popular on YouTube. His videos were getting millions of views, while mine barely had ten people watching them. Pattie was so ashamed of me she deleted my channel and my existence. She locked me here, to the bucket Justin whizzled in."

Poot was in tears. How many other trapped siblings were there in the world? She had to do something and make a change. "What's your name?" she said.

"Joob Screw Bieber."

"I'm Pootrida Devilonne Lovato, nice to meet you. I'm a formerly trapped less talented twin too, but now me and my sissy are best of friends."

"Is there a possibility Justin and I will be fine someday?"

"Not when I threw him into a gorge in Siberia. Sorry!"

"Don't say sorry. It's better like this. He got what he deserved. Now that he's dead I'm the more talented sibling," Joob said triumpantly. "I think I'm gonna pose as Justin and enjoy his fame and success now."

"Too bad you have nothing, Joob," Poot informed him. "I'm Justin's ex girlfriend, and all that was his now is mine. But if you want his career, you can have it. I really don't want to be famous anymore, it made Demi want to kill me because I was more successful than her."

"What about this house?"

"You can live here with me."

Poot didn't add a word. Joob didn't say anything back. They started at eachother in the eyes, and started to lean in to kiss. When they were close enough, Poot realized that Joob hadn't brushed his teeth since 2007, so she gave him a toothbrush and toothpaste and sent him to the bathroom.

Then, they kissed deeply, ignoring Poot's garlic pie which was burning in the oven.