The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

Just-in Time

"So, tell us something about your relationship with Selena. Have you guys been doing anything together lately?" Krisse Salminen asked. Justin Bieber was in Finland to promote his upcoming album Purpose. He was being interviewed by that annoying dumb blonde who would only ask him personal questions.

"I don't know... ugh, just stop asking about Selena. Don't you want to know anything about my upcoming music?" Justin said.

"Oh yeah, sure! Let me think... Are there any songs about Selena in your new album?" Krisse asked.

"I fucking give up." Justin left the room and Krisse waved at him with a huge smile on her face.

"Pasko kahvikuppiin, kusipää," she said to curse him.

Justin got out of the building, got on his car and drove away to a nice area in suburban Helsinki. He found an adorable cafeteria, so he decided to get himself something after that frustrating morning. When he got it, he noticed a girl sitting alone at a table. He knew who she was... Poot Lovato!

When Poot saw him, she screamed in Finnish. "Oh my God! A ghost! Evacuate this place, rescue me!!!" Poot was panicking.

"Poot, Poot, calm down," Justin said. "I know Taylor Swift told you to kill me and I know it was all over the news, but it eventually turned out you actually killed one of my wannabe posers. You know, that Danish one... I don't remember his name. Better him than me, I guess!"

Poot blushed and looked at the floor. "Oh. Thank goodness. Wanna have a hot chocolate?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure, I'll have a coffee. I have the rest of the day off anyway," Justin answered.

Justin and Poot talked for hours. It was clear there was some kind of feeling between them. They were so different, yet so similar, and they had so much in common.

"I'll confess you a secret, Poot. I haven't bought Taylor Swift's new album yet!"

"Really? Me neither! By the way, my favorite fast food place here in Finland is Hesburger."

"Are you kidding me? It's my favorite too! You know, I come here pretty often. I enjoy the midnight sun in summer and the northern lights in winter, it's so relaxing. Oh, and I go to the Santa Claus village in Rovaniemi every year to help the kids bake cookies!"

"I'd love to go there again. I did last year but I flicked Santa's hole and they kicked me out. I got no presents, it was so sad."

"Aww, poor Pootie. You're a good girl now. You'll get all the presents you want this year, trust me."

"I want to rule a country, Justin. I know for sure that's what I was made for. Hopefully, Santa makes me happy"

As the two were talking, Justin started to feel the nature calling him. "I'll be right back," he said. He walked to the counter and asked the girl where the restroom was. "It's out of service, désolée!"

Justin tried to act normal, making weird faces from time to time... But at some point, he really couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his coffee cup, lowered his pants, and shitted into it. He was completely embarrassed, and Poot was laughing her ass out at him, pointing her finger at his stinky product. But after all he'd been cursed by Krisse, the interviewer, who had told him to go shit in a coffee cup in Finnish when he left. Oops!

"I have to tell you something, Justin. I added a surprise to your coffee," Poot confessed.

"What did you do?!"

"I want to open a laxative factory, and I used you as my test animal. The purgative seems to work great!"

Poot snapped a picture of Justin and his deposit and posted it on Instagram.